I doubt not for one second that you are a regular reader of my blog, and hence, that it may have come to your attention that over the last month, I’ve had a field day taking the piss at you.
Which is why I’m writing to you tonight.
Ramiele, I would have been nothing without you this season; you have fueled my imagination, inspired me, and provided me with many a starting point for my crazy ass stories, and my equally sanitorium-worthy dialogues.
But, in the process, you made me discover unsuspected depths in myself; depths that are, depressingly enough, filled with way more completely useless and unsignificant pop culture knowledge that I could ever care to know about.
But, because every coin has a shiny side, or some crap like that, I want you to know that out of this unsuspected well of stupid shit inside me, I’ve extracted a couple of lumps of what could prove to be valuable knowledge.
For instance: Take me: I’ve only been recapping for one month, (and honestly, I’m really starting to wonder if I should really call my recaps, ‘recaps’, because I read one the other day, and man, they are way more fun and eventful than the actual show, I find.)
And where was I going with this again? Oh, yes! I’m a brand new “recapper”, and when I started to “recap”, I actually intended to just, well, recap. Originally, I thought I’d just write about the show, and add the odd snarky comment here and there.
But what happened was, as I was writing about the show, you guys, contestants, judges, Ryan, all of you, suddenly got a life of your own, and all I did was taking it, running with it, and adding a tiny bit of my ever so-subtle brand of flavouring: bitchism.
And then writing it all down.
And you, Ramiele, are special to me, because you’re the first one who really inspired me to go from “recapping”, to tripping without being high. Remember the doll stories? I loved these. I’ve had many a laugh about these.
And all these laughs, I owe to you.
And just between you and I, Ramiele, a couple of times, Brooke, that traitor, almost fooled me into liking her. I didn’t fall for it, but man, after “Every breath you take”, I was damn close.
And you, never played that kinda trick on me.
In fact, you’ve never let me down; every week, you were reliably, and usually deservingly, the butt of my jokes, because you were consistently mediocre, always very, very… small, and don’t get me started on the high waisted pants.
You’ve been very generous with me, Ramiele.
And every single time I’ve sat down in front of my keyboard to “recap”, you’ve been there for me, ready to be put in whatever situation my mind would fancy at that moment; and you never said no, you never made a fuss, and this is why, Ramiele, you will always have a special place in my heart.
I’m somewhat tempted to apologize for all horrible nasty stuff I may, or may not have written about you, but that would really suck the fun out of the whole thing, so I’ll just conclude by saying, once again: Ramiele, thank you, thank you, thank you. You’ve been the best scapegoat I could ever have dreamed for.
And I sincerely wish you all the best.
No shit, I mean it.