NOTE: I was trying to get on with last week’s “recap”, when, as usual, I went totally off-tangent. I originally started to write a “little” off-topic section in the middle of my “recap” (which isn’t finished, by the way). Then when I saw that this “little” OT section was turning into a full-blown post, I figured I might as well make it one.
OK, you guys, this is another whiny entry. Hit the road if you’re not in the mood.
This has been yet again, a shitty last few days, and again, instead of getting off my ass and facing reality, I’ve chosen to spend most of my days sitting in here, feeling depressed, wallowing in self-pity, and spending WAY too much time on the web, because it is such an easy escape. Which usually leads me to feel guilty about it, give myself a lot of shit for it, then end up feeling sorry for myself again, and do it all over again the next day.
Today, I got up, feeling a bit better about life in general. My cold is going away, and I think that I’m catching a glimpse of a little light at the end of the tunnel.
For the first time in about two weeks, I’ve had a decent, albeit short night sleep, and I’ve eaten two meals in a row. And took out the garbage. It’s a sign. And if it isn’t one, I’ll make it one.
As long as no more shit happens, I think I’m now able to get up, walk, and take care of business, and regain at least some kind of control over my very existence.
I’m aware that what I’m typing totally makes me come across as some kinda neurotic manic-depressive who should really be on Prozac instead of on the internet, but what the fuck, eh? Apparently, it’s OK to vent on your blog. I’ve taken a look around a few blogs, and I realize that I probably am somehow fucked up in the head, but no more than the average person.
Anyway, I think you got enough insight about the inner-workings of my brain for today.
Now, onto other totally off-topic news:
THE HABS WON THE QUARTER FINALS AND BEAT THE BOSTON BRUINS’ BUTT 5-0 LAST NIGHT!!!
And then, there was a riot, but I didn’t go. I usually do attend riots, I love them. I will explain what the fuck is up with that in a minute.
I live downtown, so I could hear cars honking, and crowd noises, people screaming and whistling, but I thought it was just a parade of Habs fans walking back from the Bell Centre, our hockey arena, and other people who had been watching the game in downtown bars. Turns out that it was a full-blown riot, with many smashed store-windows, and, if I heard properly, about 15 police cruisers severely damaged, if not completely destroyed.
There was a major riot here, in 1993, when the Habs last won the Stanley Cup; but at least, they won THE STANLEY CUP. Not just the quarter finals.
I love riots, but, they have to happen for a “good cause”. And I thought last night was just not cool. I never really thought of hockey as a sport that breeds violence. In my mind, hooligans belonged strictly to the world of soccer, and violence only made its way onto hockey on Stanley Cup night.
Turns out that last night was basically an outburst of hooliganism. And strangely enough, I find it kind of icky. I’m a not a huge hockey fan, but the playoffs are always an exciting time, for any city’s whose team is in the playoffs.
It’s like soccer for me: I only watch it during the Euro Cup and the World Cup, and I always root for France, but it’s always fun to let yourself catch sport fever once in a while; decorate your bicycle with silly ribbons, wear blue or red, depending on the occasion, wave flags, sing silly songs and wear equally silly face-paintings and logo-bearing accessories.
But back to my “I love riots” catchphrase. I don’t love riots per se, but I’m fascinated by them. I’m fascinated by any crowd movement, which sometimes starts with as little as ten over-excited individuals, and then spreads like wild fire.
That applies to riots, but also to certain religious events. I’m not religious, but I once have been “invited” (read: tricked into attending) what I thought was gonna be a “concert”, but turned to be a sermon. And, my friends, it was FUCKING WEIRD. It’s very strange to be sitting in a packed 300 to 500 seats concert venue at 1pm, with hundreds of people around you screaming “Amen”, and getting up, and going “Yeah!”; basically, exactly the atmosphere you’d expect to find at a nighttime rock concert, but instead, it was at a lunchtime sermon.
You understand what I mean by that? The “group effect”? Mass movements fascinate me. That’s why I “like” riots. I know it’s idiotic, but if there’s one nearby, I almost always go and have a look. I remember, a few years ago, Canada had won an Olympic medal of some sort, and my ex and I were watching the 11pm news, and they were reporting live from downtown, as a riot was going on.
So what did we do? We got dressed and went down, just as a bunch of kids were hijacking a city bus. And then, the riot police turned up and cleared the area in record time.
That is another thing that I find riveting: the riot police. Every time I see them, I think of my favourite book, 1984. All these faceless people, all dressed the same, advancing at the same pace, in the same pattern, infiltrating all the nearby streets at the same time… There is something very surreal and eerie about the riot police, I find. It’s very hard to explain…
Anyway, for those of you who are on the same weird wave-length as I am, and understand my messed-up line of thinking as far as mass movements, hooliganism and police strategies to quench them go, you might want to take a look at…
Nevermind. It’s been removed from Google videos.
A while back, I wrote an entry on Bodocus, a website which offers a list of online documentaries that you can watch for free, and I saw this BBC special on hooligans, which had been shot during the last soccer World Cup in Germany, and it was pretty interesting. Unfortunately, it’s also gone. But if you too are interested in this kind of phenomenon, take a look HERE,Google vids has several full-length documentaries on hooligans.
I find one of the most interesting aspects of this type of crowd frenzy, is that it is usually started by outsiders, who often are not even fans of the sport or the team. Exactly like what happened in Montreal last night. According to the cops, the riot wasn’t initiated by Habs fans, but by a handful of people who knew that a large crowd of happy, inebriated sports fans had good potential to turn into a violent, uncontrollable mass.
And yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s dangerous. But I find it also riveting.
OK, that post really came out of nowhere.
It’s just that right now, I don’t feel like writing about Idol. I spent way too much time online lately, most of it wasting time on the IMDb board, chatting about Idol, and about other stuff too, but I don’t know, it’s like I woke up to a stream of consciousness, today, and realized, “Wow, dude, how many hours have I spent discussing completely trivial stuff in the last two weeks?” Answer: “WAY too many. Not good. It’s like I’m having an Idol overdose.
And I needed to get away from it for a bit, and rant about normal stuff, like messy apartments, self-pity, hockey victories, quarter-finals riots, documentaries on hooligans, and blogging-related procrastination.
But don’t worry, I’m not quitting writing my stupid “recaps”. (Like I’m totally sure you’re all biting your nails at the moment, thinking “Oh, my God, Rebel, Rachel, salomey5, or whatever it is that you call yourself, you’re not gonna stop “recapping”, are you? Because I’m like, SO addicted to your blog,…!” I wish…!)
But I’m just gonna stop pressuring myself about it. Like, I always feel that if my “recap” is not up one or two days after the show, then it loses its relevance.
And for all I know, maybe it does… But sometimes, I’m just not inspired, and I sit in front of the computer with my Idol notes, and nothing comes out, and then the next thing I know, it’s 4am, and I’m online discussing David Cook’s cock. Which is funny and not uninteresting, but also rather useless and counter-productive. A bit like what I’m doing right now, except that at least, right now, I’m venting, and, technically, blogging too. I’m aware that what I’m babbling about is probably of no interest to you, and I don’t blame you one bit. I, myself, find this post rather dull, but I prefer being dull than depressed, so for me, it’s a step in the right direction. For you, it must be a snooze-and-a-half. Sorry about it.
OK, you know what? If you’re still here reading this crap, then either you’re a really nice person and a great listener, or you can relate, which means that you too have of few loose screws in the ceiling. Either way, you deserve to let off the hook. So I’m gonna conclude. With a thank you speech, because everyone loves a thank you speech.
I’m proud to announce that in the last week, I have received my first “hate-mail”, as well as my first “Your site sucks” comment. Since I thrive on controversy, and currently have more lovers than haters, I want to thank these two people for their negative feedback; even moreso the IMDB poster who said that my blog was the shittiest shit they’d ever read: you’ve generated my blog more traffic in two hours than I usually got in one day up till then. So thank you. 🙂
But joking aside, good or bad (but good, mostly) comments do make me happy and motivate me, and let me know that I’m not just writing for myself.
(OMG, I’m being so fucking transparent right now, it’s not even funny…! “Please, please, comment, tell me how good I am!…” Lol!)
I know I come across as a complete sucker right now, but I mean it. Don’t hesitate to comment, to tell me that you love me, that you hate me, that you clicked on link and it took you to an uninhabited corner of the web, that I’m a mean hateful bitch, an amusing eccentric, that I should be locked up, that you want my autograph, or that I need to quit being so fucking pathetic… Whatever rocks your boat.
And seriously, thanks to the folks who left me all the cool comments, either on here, or over at IMDb, where I do most of my pandering for readers. I REALLY do appreciate them. No kidding.
Sorry for that disturbing-and-possibly-too-in-depth-glimpse-insight-my-troubled-psyche. I owe you one.
And I will have a “recap” up, sometime this week. I don’t which one, and I don’t know which day; I’m feeling random. So it’ll be a surprise.
But there will be one.
Thanks for sticking around, and again, if you’re still here, see a doctor: you need help. On the upside, you and I should get along. 😉
See ya later, alligator!!! 🙂
(Geez, I really am pathetic this evening…!)