Stephen Harper owes me 172.15 bucks. (I just got a phone call from Elections Canada. Find out more about this below.)
Last night, my friend Khristine emailed me, asking what I was doing this evening. I didn’t reply to her, because I didn’t know what to tell her, besides: “It depends on Stephen Harper.” Now, I can email her back to tell her that I will, after all, be free this evening.
But let’s get back to my 172.15$, shall we?
The question is, will I get it?
Maybe. It depends on whether or not I will be available on October 14th, which is something I don’t know yet.
What I do know however, is that I was available tomorrow, and it turns out that I will be staying home after all, instead of making 200 bucks working for the Westmount-Ville-Marie byelections. All thanks to you, Stephen.
On the upside, today, I won’t have to go bread and coldcuts shopping with the intent of making enough sandwiches for a 14 hours day. I also won’t have to spend two hours reading the boring-ass manual they gave me during my training last Friday; for which, by the way, I’m getting paid a whopping 35$ for simply showing up. Better than a kick in the teeth, I guess. And about half-an-hour ago, I got a phone call from my new BFF, Elections Canada, who currently seems to be calling me every other day, to tell me that I would also get paid for two hours of work. So divide 195$ by 14 hours, multiply the result by 2 and ka-ching! Here drops an extra 27.85$ on my lap!!! I’ll be able to go sneakers shopping, thanks Steve! I might not be able to afford these lavish Nikes after all, so I guess I’ll go with a cheaper make, but shoes are shoes, right?
So what I am whining about, since overall, I’m making 60 bucks, and all I had to do was to go yawn from behind my manual for two hours a few blocks away last week, you ask? Good question.
Well, first of all this is Stephen Harper that we’re talking about; and I loathe that man with the intensity of a thousand burning suns. I do not like him, I do not like his politics, and I do not like the fact that he’s forcing an election simply because he feels that at this precise moment, he could win the majority. It’s shamelessly opportunistic on his behalf; the federal elections were supposed to take place in October 2009, a date that he himself fixed.
But right now, Stephen is feeling it, man, like all the good vibes of the universe are converging into “gifting” Canada with a conservative majority government.
But of course, the truth is that Stephen’s ass is on fire at the moment; evidently, he’ll tell you he’s doing this for the good of the country, because the current Parliament has became “dysfunctional” (his own choice of an adjective) and absolutely not for his own profit, no Sir, not him.
Unfortunately, there are plenty of folks out there who are either gullible enough, or who are pissed off enough with the Liberal Party circus, or both, to believe the bullshit this Bush-wannabe is serving us on a silver platter.
As a result, next month, Canadians will be heading to the polls for the third time in four years. And for this Canadian, it will be my fourth, since I went voting in the advance polling last week. And I’m not counting the provincial and municipal elections, here, only the federal ones. In fact, we find ourselves heading to the polls at such frequency that I wouldn’t be surprised if foreign nations started thinking that it’s a national hobby of ours, a bit like hockey.
Regardless, this addiction to having elections every 15 minutes is rather expensive, and once again, there will be another hefty foot to bill after we’re done with this one.
But who cares, right? Well, I do, but this bovine-looking Albertan sure doesn’t. As long as it serves his own interests, of course.
In the meantime, I’m done ranting, and I will now head out to visit my uncle, who also suffers from the same allergy as I do to conservative assholes who spontaneously call elections when it serves their purpose; me and him need to come up with a plan to prevent this opportunist from achieving his goal of turning this country into a clone of America; I don’t know if you’ve watched the news lately, but America? Isn’t doing that well at the moment. They’re even talking about changing things for the better, but some white-haired dude and some crazy pro-life bitch are trying to stop them. I don’t know how it’s gonna turn out, but I’ll keep you posted. Apparently, they’re having elections too, right after we do, in fact.
We can now officially rename “fall season” “polls season”.
And Stephen? This 172.15$ you owe me? I won’t forget about it, trust me. Now, between you and I, it’s personal.
See you at the polls, bitch!