They weren’t kidding about it being flu season…

19 Feb

Man. What a blast it’s been. Don’t you just love trying new stuff? Even if it’s stuff that you never wanted to try in the first place?

Well, this past weekend, I guess I came as close to experiencing cold turkey as I could, without becoming a junkie first. Cold sweats, achy muscles, bones, joints, achy everything really, fever, bad sleep, feeling like crap: check, check, check. Now, I can say that I REALLY get Trainspotting. Well, maybe not for that creepy baby crawling on the ceiling part. And although my toilet is looking pretty scary at the moment, it’s still not quite to the level of the worst toilet in Scotland.

Anyway, how was your Valentine’s day? Did you get laid? Did you get flowers? Chocolate? Victoria Secret lingerie? A glow-in-the-dark puke green dildo? Did you wait in line for 45 minutes outside a romantic restaurant, to finally get inside and wait twice as long for a green salad, while surrounded by a dozen other couples all yelling at the top of their lungs how much in love they are?

Well, that’s great. Personally, I think you’re a moron, if you’re actually gullible enough to buy into that hyper-commercialized BS that Valentine is, but hey, as far as I know, moronism isn’t a crime, it’s just a shame. But then again, I don’t care, because I don’t have to talk to you.

I’m sorry, I’m still in major-bitch mode. Being sick for more than two days in a row does that to me. Makes me irritable and snippy. Actually, let me rephrase that: it makes me more irritable and snippy than usual. Better?

 

Anyway, let me tell you how MY Valentine’s day went. Well, it went by, and I literally didn’t notice, because I slept through pretty much the whole damn thing. Which was a just as well, since I don’t think I could have convinced even a sex-deprived overweight drooling octogenarian to be my Valentine. Yeah, I was that hot.

Mind you to be hot, I was hot. Then cold. Then hot again. Then cold again. Then both at once.

I even had a Valentine’ Day fever. Bright red, 39.5°C, no less, at some point (I think that’s about 103 in this silly, obsolete, impractical and illogical retarded Fahrenheit system that so many of you people still inexplicably use.) I hadn’t had a fever in years. And this weekend reminded me of why I avoid fevers in the first place: they suck. Unless there are a couple of tons of sleep that you’re determined to catch up on, in which case, fevers are great. Between Friday night and Sunday morning, I must have slept a minimum of 30 hours. Therefore, Happy Valentine, my ass.

I will spare you the most über-gross details, like the nasty yellow snot that I keep spitting out, for instance. You should be familiar with it; it is, after all, flu season, so you too should be spitting out nasty yellow stuff.

On the upside, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in five days, my smoking has dramatically decreased (from 20+ cigarettes a day to somewhere between 7 and 10. I also eat better than I have in bleeding years, and find myself rediscovering these things that I believe were called “vegetables” the last time I had them.

 

Kidding and whining aside, this stupid flu is the reason why I haven’t showed up, posted or commented, besides the couple of Twitter updates I wrote just to indicate that I was still alive. My computer is currently in my bedroom, where it doesn’t belong (long story, can’t be arsed) so I have to type sitting on my bed with the keyboard on my lap. That’s a real killer for your back in normal time, let alone when you’re sick. Plus looking at the monitor for more than ten minutes was hurting my eyes and giving me a headache.

However, I want to thank all of you guys who left comments, I really do appreciate it, and I want you guys to know that I wasn’t just ignoring you out of laziness. I will do my best to reciprocate visits and comments over the next few days, now that I’m starting to feel better.

 

Well, I guess I’m done here. This has got to be one of the most useless, boring posts I ever wrote. I’m glad I’m not often this sick, because it makes me pretty fucking dull. Hopefully, I don’t have too many bland posts of this nature in me. If you’re still reading this, I thank you for sitting through all of this yawn-inducing piece of shit, and recommend you get your head checked, because there is something wrong with it.

Thanks again for coming by and leaving your comments, and I’ll be seeing you shortly. You guys freakin’ rock. 🙂

Advertisements

10 Responses to “They weren’t kidding about it being flu season…”

  1. That Judi girl February 19, 2009 at 2:25 pm #

    Get well soon! My hubby is sick with a similar cold. I told him to keep his dumb cooties away from me, and I always keep a can of Lysol readily available.

    I had a nice and quiet Valentine’s Day. I did nothing and went nowhere (and not ashamed to admit it). Because it fell on a Saturday night, I just didn’t feel like wasting three hours to wait for a table at a restaurant.

    I got stinky stuff (candles) and a card. I’m not a big fan of flowers, because from my perspective, they’re impersonal. EVERY dude gets flowers for their partner. Enough! Let’s see some imagination!

    Like

  2. salomey5 February 19, 2009 at 2:38 pm #

    Thanks a lot Judy. 🙂 And keep away from that bag of germs of a husband of yours. Seriously, I hadn’t felt that crap in a very long time… So keep that can of Lysol handy…!

    And now, let me rip you a new one… How dare you dissing flowers, huh, huh? Lol!
    I must say, I’m a complete sucker for flowers, I just love them. Fancy snobby red roses or simple wildflowers, alive in a pot, or cut in a bouquet, bring them on and watch me turn into a giddy twit before your very eyes.

    As for Valentine’s day, I don’t blame you for staying in. This mockery of a holiday is SO overrated, it’s nothing but a marketing ploy to make some moolah off the hopelessly romantic.
    If you’re in love, you’re in love everyday, not just on February 14th.

    Like

  3. Roy February 19, 2009 at 11:22 pm #

    I read the whole thing. I’m off now to have my head examined, but I’m sure they wont find anything. I left this same comment on another friends blog,
    take two aspirins and sleep well my friend

    Like

  4. sunnyberra February 20, 2009 at 12:45 am #

    “I don’t think I could have convinced even a sex-deprived overweight drooling octogenarian to be my Valentine. ”

    I’m so sorry you’re sick. But, oh my god–that was hilarious. I’ve been there, so I can commiserate 🙂

    But, now, it’s not so much the flu (I could regale you with stories about how I spent my Christmas, though *g*)., but we have the never-ending cold from hell here. Yeck.

    Well, here’s to you feeling better (soon, I hope)!

    Like

  5. salomey5 February 20, 2009 at 1:06 am #

    Roy! The ultimate ladies man! Welcome back, buddy!

    Awww, thanks Sunny…

    But let’s face it, not having a sex-deprived, drooling overweight octogenarian as my Valentine is probably a good thing, and will remain a good thing until I become a drooling senile octogenarian myself.

    So your Christmas got messed up by sickness? That sucks. I don’t give a crap about Valentine, but being sick for the holidays bites. Especially New Year’s Eve.

    Like

  6. Claire February 20, 2009 at 9:51 pm #

    I like it when your grumpy! Well as long as you don’t start on me!

    Also love your use of can’t be arsed! My most favourite expression 🙂 Especially as my computer is also in my bedroom where it doesn’t belong…

    I liked this post, because for once I knew what the fook you were talking about, as I am normally clueless about the folks you have been talking about.

    More flu for you 🙂

    Like

  7. Julian Finn February 24, 2009 at 11:51 pm #

    If you can’t rant about being infected with plague mucus of death….

    It wasn’t that boring, I’ll be back to read more. 😀

    Like

  8. salomey5 February 25, 2009 at 1:24 am #

    Oh, for Christ’s sake. I really suck. I hate not replying to the comments that you folks are nice enough to leave me on my own damn blog.

    Claire, you’re giving me a guilt trip… I totally forgot you’d left me a comment… I feel like an ass now.
    I know I write a lot about bad American TV shows (which means pretty much all American TV shows) so yeah, I guess you probably aren’t familiar with most of them.
    However, I’m sorry that this had to be the first post of mine that you can relate to, because what is wrong with you people? This a boring post. Whining about having the flu? C’mon you guys, this post sucks, admit it. 😀

    (Jeez, I really stink as a self-publicist…)

    Like

  9. Dan March 13, 2009 at 1:50 pm #

    Hilarious! I haven’t laughed that hard all day. Sorry to hear about your sickness.. in oh-so-many details..!!

    oh, and great trainspotting reference haha!

    Like

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Valentines Day Gifts » Blog Archive » They Weren’T Kidding About it Being Flu Season… « Rebel Without a Clue - February 22, 2009

    […] Anyway, how was your Valentine ’s day? Did you get laid? Did you get flowers? Chocolate? Victoria Secret lingerie? A glow-in-the-dark puke green dildo? Did you wait in line for 45 minutes outside a romantic restaurant, to finally get …Continue Reading… […]

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: