Man. What a blast it’s been. Don’t you just love trying new stuff? Even if it’s stuff that you never wanted to try in the first place?
Well, this past weekend, I guess I came as close to experiencing cold turkey as I could, without becoming a junkie first. Cold sweats, achy muscles, bones, joints, achy everything really, fever, bad sleep, feeling like crap: check, check, check. Now, I can say that I REALLY get Trainspotting. Well, maybe not for that creepy baby crawling on the ceiling part. And although my toilet is looking pretty scary at the moment, it’s still not quite to the level of the worst toilet in Scotland.
Anyway, how was your Valentine’s day? Did you get laid? Did you get flowers? Chocolate? Victoria Secret lingerie? A glow-in-the-dark puke green dildo? Did you wait in line for 45 minutes outside a romantic restaurant, to finally get inside and wait twice as long for a green salad, while surrounded by a dozen other couples all yelling at the top of their lungs how much in love they are?
Well, that’s great. Personally, I think you’re a moron, if you’re actually gullible enough to buy into that hyper-commercialized BS that Valentine is, but hey, as far as I know, moronism isn’t a crime, it’s just a shame. But then again, I don’t care, because I don’t have to talk to you.
I’m sorry, I’m still in major-bitch mode. Being sick for more than two days in a row does that to me. Makes me irritable and snippy. Actually, let me rephrase that: it makes me more irritable and snippy than usual. Better?
Anyway, let me tell you how MY Valentine’s day went. Well, it went by, and I literally didn’t notice, because I slept through pretty much the whole damn thing. Which was a just as well, since I don’t think I could have convinced even a sex-deprived overweight drooling octogenarian to be my Valentine. Yeah, I was that hot.
Mind you to be hot, I was hot. Then cold. Then hot again. Then cold again. Then both at once.
I even had a Valentine’ Day fever. Bright red, 39.5Â°C, no less, at some point (I think that’s about 103 in this silly, obsolete, impractical and illogical retarded Fahrenheit system that so many of you people still inexplicably use.) I hadn’t had a fever in years. And this weekend reminded me of why I avoid fevers in the first place: they suck. Unless there are a couple of tons of sleep that you’re determined to catch up on, in which case, fevers are great. Between Friday night and Sunday morning, I must have slept a minimum of 30 hours. Therefore, Happy Valentine, my ass.
I will spare you the most über-gross details, like the nasty yellow snot that I keep spitting out, for instance. You should be familiar with it; it is, after all, flu season, so you too should be spitting out nasty yellow stuff.
On the upside, I haven’t had a drop of alcohol in five days, my smoking has dramatically decreased (from 20+ cigarettes a day to somewhere between 7 and 10. I also eat better than I have in bleeding years, and find myself rediscovering these things that I believe were called “vegetables” the last time I had them.
Kidding and whining aside, this stupid flu is the reason why I haven’t showed up, posted or commented, besides the couple of Twitter updates I wrote just to indicate that I was still alive. My computer is currently in my bedroom, where it doesn’t belong (long story, can’t be arsed) so I have to type sitting on my bed with the keyboard on my lap. That’s a real killer for your back in normal time, let alone when you’re sick. Plus looking at the monitor for more than ten minutes was hurting my eyes and giving me a headache.
However, I want to thank all of you guys who left comments, I really do appreciate it, and I want you guys to know that I wasn’t just ignoring you out of laziness. I will do my best to reciprocate visits and comments over the next few days, now that I’m starting to feel better.
Well, I guess I’m done here. This has got to be one of the most useless, boring posts I ever wrote. I’m glad I’m not often this sick, because it makes me pretty fucking dull. Hopefully, I don’t have too many bland posts of this nature in me. If you’re still reading this, I thank you for sitting through all of this yawn-inducing piece of shit, and recommend you get your head checked, because there is something wrong with it.
Thanks again for coming by and leaving your comments, and I’ll be seeing you shortly. You guys freakin’ rock. 🙂