Note to readers: I’m a master at procrastination, and am also highly unreliable, always late and easily distracted. All traits that I believe make for terrible bloggers. Oh, well.
Anyway, that should explain why the following post was started last Tuesday, only to be published six days later. Personally, I choose to blame the phone which hasn’t stopped ringing all week.
And just as a word of warning, expect that to happen again… And again… And again…
Guys, guys, guys…
We’ve lost our fabulous Normick… 😦 😦 😦
Shit… I like, don’t care about this show anymore already…
I’m just saying that, it will have passed by next Tuesday, but dude, we’ve lost our “Fuck you, American Idol!” man… It’s sad.
Meh… It was obvious that Nick was toast from the moment snooze-inducing Kris made it through.
I’m especially surprised that boring pretty boy Kris beat Megan to the top 12 spot too… I thought she was far better and memorable than him… Had he been eliminated, I would have forgotten about this guy by next Friday.
So America, tell me, what the fuck???! You were fun-loving and smart enough to keep Sanjaya around for weeks, so why no love for Normick? Lost your sense of humour? I mean, I do know that the economy is currently down the crapper and that it weighs a bit on the morale, but come on, you can’t be down and depressed and gloomy 24/7 now, can you? Plus you’re spoiling it for the rest of us who watch this show for the right reasons: point and laugh and roll our eyes until we get dizzy.
Normick’s even funnier than Sanjaya, and unlike him, where I wasn’t sure, it’s very clear that Nick was in on the joke and purposely fooled around, and that he was determined to take the piss out of this circus to the maximum of his abilities.
No? You guys don’t find that funny? Exposing American Idol for the big load of BS that it isn’t your kind of comedy?
Actually, I’ve already answered that question myself, when I swung by the IMDb Idol board earlier on. There was a lot of love for Normick, but it seemed to me there was more even more hate. A lot of people didn’t dig the fact that a clown had made it to the top 36, thus “stealing” a spot from a “talented” singer. Yeah. Like Kris, for instance. Huh-huh. Humourless jerks. All with a motherfucking huge stick up their ass… I may start to troll that board from now on, as revenge…Mwahaha…!
OK, mourning for Normick aside, there are a couple of things that are floating between my ears and that I wanted to share with y’all.
The first one is more of an announcement, really. I’d like to officially declare that from this moment on, I shall take revenge for the booting of my beloved Normick, but instead of landing my wrath on the IMDb Idol board, I will take it out on snooze-fest Kris, at least until I find a better scapegoat.
So Kris, you stand warned: from now on, and until further notice, you will be on my black list. That may or may not involve me giving you a silly and/or mean-spirited nickname, but it will sure you get you a lot of bashing and bad-mouthing on my behalf, so watch out and put your helmet on, dude, ‘cos’ it’s gonna hail like a bitch.
Now, let’s talk about Kara for a sec’… After Tuesday’s show, I started to wonder if adding an extra judge to an already verbose panel was a good move after all… As Paula rightly pointed out , it just drags the show’s pace, and that’s something that we, the viewers, could really do without. There is already WAY too much filler and useless inter-judges bantering and bickering on that show, the last thing we need is more of it.
And I’m not saying that because I don’t like Kara. I do like her, and she often gives good feedback. The problem is, half the time, the judges don’t give feedback, they just talk shit out of their asses, and that makes for LOOOONG performance shows. Let me do the math for you:
4 critiques x 12 singers = one hell of a lot of BS. Isn’t this show supposed to be about the contestants after all? Then make it so, Idol.
Another thing I wanted to bring up is the show’s format, which I find totally sucks this season. The top 36 + wild card thing. I don’t like it at all.
And before you all jump on my back: I KNOW this isn’t a new thing and that the first few seasons had this format too. Doesn’t mean that it’s good though. In the first years, they at least had a reason for adopting this shitty format: they didn’t know any better.
After seven whole seasons though, you’d think they would have figured out ways to make the show suck less, not more… First, the addition of a new judge, and now the reverting back to this frustrating, unfair, and ineffective top 36 crap? But why?
The problem with it, is that on week 1, you may have a very strong group with say, 8 great performances, and on week 2, a very shitty group with say, zero good performances. And on that week 2, you’ll find yourself wishing that you could vote for one of last week’s singers instead of one of the twelve mediocre ones who just performed.
With the “new” format, the singers also only get one shot each at trying to seduce America, and sometimes, that just ain’t enough. Anyone can have a bad night, and it seems to me that the current system allows for more talented singers to potentially slip through the cracks.
Add to that the fact that some of the contestants didn’t get an iota of airtime until their top 36 performance, meaning all they have to prove their worth is that one and only performance. Mind you, it didn’t prevent human sleeping-pill Kris from snatching a top 12 stool, but hey, accidents do happen.
The top 24 format which we all know, love and miss, also allowed for casting mistakes *cough* Ramiele Malubay *cough*, but seemed to me to be overall fairer, and gave us a chance to get to know each singer better with each passing week, unlike now, where the voters have to make their choice based on one performance.
But the real truth is, what I loathe about the current top 36 format, is that it gave me genuine hopes to see my Normick strutting His Fabulousness into the top 12, only to crush them like ants.
And I may be a bitch, but bitches have feelings too. And keep in mind that this bitch is also a sore loser with a foul mouth and a bad temper, so watch out, American Idol. Now that you took away the man who would have been the object of my devoted and unwavering fantardiness, you’re leaving me with much more time on my hands to shit all over Kris, the judges, and the show. Something that you should have kept in mind if you fear me as much as I hope you do.
FIVE PHONE CALLS LATER…
Oh, for Christ’s sake! What the fuck is going on today? The friggin’ phone won’t shut up!
Wanna know something funny about this post which you may never read, because at this rate, it may never get published?
I don’t care, I’m telling it anyway. It’s MY blog, so if you don’t like it, piss off.
This here entry, which you may or may not get to see, was started
last night (yes, 24 hours ago) six days ago (at the time of the last edit). But that’s not the interesting part.
I was typing a response to the comments left on THIS post, and you know how long-winded I am, right? Well, I got so long-winded on my comment, that I figured I might as well turn it into a blog entry. Quite convenient, since I’m not even close to the middle of my “recap” from Tuesday’s show, and I needed something to publish. Cool, huh?
So apologies to my commentors for dumping you like this, and I thank you for unknowingly inspiring me this post.
OK, I can see you don’t care. So I’ll get back to Idol.
I spent part of my afternoon trolling the IMDb board and tormenting the Kris fans and the Normick haters, while occasionally writing the odd meaningful post. One of the few intelligent-ish discussions that I had over there concerned the wild card.
On that, if any of you has any kind of clue on how it’s gonna go down on wild card night, please, let me in on your knowledge, because I sure don’t.
We were debating, pondering, and speculating on this important matter, when someone who seemed to know what they were talking about said that the fourth top-vote getter from each group (after the three contestants who made it to the top 12) would be an immediate shoo-in for the wild card.
But if this person is indeed right, how the hell will we know if Idol is telling the truth, and putting the “right” fourth votes getter in the wild card round? Because I wouldn’t be surprised at all if Normick had gotten the fourth highest number of votes on Tuesday, but would Idol dare taking the chance of putting him into the top 12, knowing full well he could turn it into Sanjayagate all over again?
And if they didn’t dare putting him through in spite of him coming in fourth (assuming) in his group, and decided to advance say, Megan instead, how the fuck would we (or anyone else for that matter) know better? Well, we wouldn’t, because we have to go with whatever they tell us.
That is one of the things that always bugged me with this show: the complete lack of transparency when it comes to the results. Why aren’t they made public? It seems to me that doing so would be beneficial to… Actually, I just stopped myself short from spewing bullshit right there. Because it wouldn’t be that beneficial to Idol, really.
Well, in terms of credibility it would be great. And God knows the show could use some of that. Plus it would be one way to condemn those pesky fuckers from VFTW to a possible slow and painful death by sinking them into irrelevance and oblivion. Like, yeah, right. Although, now that I mention it, it seems it would make for a very fitting death for Idol… Who are already faring well on Irrelevance Road… But I digress.
The other positive aspect to revealing the results during, say, the RESULTS SHOW, would mean injecting a little more content into a program which is otherwise made of 10% results and 90% filler, which is itself made of 90% retrospectives of the previous weeks’ retrospectives. Personally, I could see myself getting behind the idea of filling part of the results show with actual results.
However, eradicating all this suspicious secrecy would pose Idol’s bigwigs a problem larger than Tatiana’s ego or Kris’ potential for putting people to sleep even when they’re not tired: it would largely prevent them from tampering, manipulating, and fucking about with the show’s outcome. And letting things follow their natural course isn’t Idol’s style. They like to play puppet master too much to let Americans decide for themselves what they like and what they don’t.
Which is why they will never go the open, tranparent route. Not that the show is rigged, but it’s so heavily manipulated, that it might as well be.
Case in point: Danny Gokey, whom I’m more and more tempted to nickname “America’s #1 widower” from now on. I mean, they’ve been pimping this guy like crazy. He’s had about as much airtime so far as Chikezie did all of last season, it’s ridiculous. Why is he getting all this attention when others (like that asshole Kris) weren’t even shown once before the top 36? Isn’t that kind of helping him garner a LOT of sympathy votes?
Not pointing fingers, just saying…
Speaking of sympathy votes, let’s talk sob stories for a minute. Boy, did we get our share of that this season! Between the twelve truckloads of single mothers, the handful of contestants who’ve lost one or more loved ones, and the chick with the mother who’s very poor, you’d almost think Oprah has taken over the show. Give it one more season, and Kleenex will the be the main sponsor.
Needless to say, Idol has been over the top, to say the least, with the sob stories this season. Not that it’s new, because they’ve always done it, but this year, it’s been far worse. I can’t remember ever hearing this many boo hoo tales per hour before, nor them being dragged this long into the competition.
I mean, how far are we into the show? We’re getting pretty close to having our top 12 now, and as far as I know, Danny’s dead wife was brought up every single show he appeared on. That’s a lot of death talk for primetime family entertainment, don’t you think?
And yeah, you may tell me that Danny isn’t necessarily the one who keeps beating that horse, and that Idol is likely encouraging him to talk about it, but I don’t believe he is helping either.
I confess, I still haven’t seen Group 1’s performances, and it’s quite likely that I won’t. What I read about them didn’t make me feel like I’d missed much anyway. However, someone over at IMDb did post that for his top 36 performance, Danny’s family were holding pictures of his wife…
I mean, was this really necessary? Seems to me like they are squeezing that lemon to the extreme, and by “they”, I mean the whole lot of them: Danny, his family and Idol.
I don’t mean to be a slanderous bitch here, (well, I do, but that’s the downside of being a Rebel Without A Clue) but at this point, I just feel like what got Danny to the top 12 isn’t his voice so much as his sob story. Seems like he made it by pulling at America’s heart strings, and not on his worth as a singer and an entertainer.
So as far as I’m concerned, the blame befalls on both parties. On one side, you have Idol, who are shamelessly pushing the dead wife as if it was a selling point, and on the other, you have Danny who keeps indulging and making pictures and footage available, instead of just saying “No more” and putting a stop to it.
Because the thing is, if Idol continues focusing on the backstory instead of the artist, ultimately it will cost Danny. He’s talented enough, albeit not my style, but right now, I believe he’s surfing as much on his story as he is on his singing. And people are getting a little sick of it, so maybe it would be wise to move on and away from the waterworks inducers, before he starts alienating his fans.
Oh, and another thing, Danny: enough already with the fucking soppy song choices; we got it, you’re sad. But the more you tell us, the less we’re feeling it. So stop, before I ditch Kris and pick you as my season 8 scapegoat. There isn’t too low a place for me to stoop down to. So beware.
OK, that’s it. I’m done fixing American Idol. I got some great tips in there, I find. I should send them a copy of this post, in fact… Yes, I totally should. I’ll do it right now. It’s Monday night, there’s still enough time for them to apply all the changes I just suggested before tomorrow’s show…
And if they know what’s good for them, they’ll bring back Normick.
Ah, what would this show do without me!!