Celebrity Apprentice 3, episode 4 recap

12 Apr

Hi. It’s me again already. In full blogging mode for the second day in a row. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m on a roll! And since it rarely happens, I might as well take advantage of it.

So I’ve decided I would tackle the task of recapping two shows simultaneously, even though we all know I can barely keep up with one for more than 6 weeks. But hey, I’m feeling ambitious tonight. (Please take note that my ambition may not extend beyond tonight.)

As I was mentioning in my last post, I’m currently obsessed with Survivor (nothing new here) and Celebrity Apprentice.

Survivor, because it’s awesome, and the Trump circus, because this season happens to be very entertaining. How could it not be with characters like Sharon Osbourne, Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels?

Unfortunately, Celebrity Apprentice suffered a tragic blow last week, when it lost the wonderful ex-Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich, who fell under the axe of his own incompetence. And people are saying Cyndi Lauper is spaced out?

Anyway, in honour of the Governor and in memory of all the precious moments of laughter he gave me, I decided to recap the episode he was on, even though it aired a week ago and I now have my Survivor post to write too (double-recapping, remember? Thank God my good intentions never last long…!)

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We start off with the women sitting in the suite, waiting to see which one of the guys Trump fired. None, it turns out. Daryl Strawberry apparently told Trump to shove his fucking show up his ass and left in a huff, knocking down chairs on his way out.

I personally don’t remember any of this because I fell asleep before the end of that episode, but I’m willing to believe it.

The men have barely walked into the suite that the phone rings, beckoning the lot of them to immediately head to the boardroom. Michael grimaces: "What, already? But I didn’t even get to tell everybody what a quitter I though Daryl was! And by the way, whatever our next task is, I think Blago should be the Project Manager."

Trump asks the teams who they choose as Project Managers. Michael immediately points at Blago, who’s all: "Who? Me? But Why? What if it involves integrity?" Michael interviews that he picked Blago because he’s the only person on his team who’s sucked more than himself so far. He adds that he’s a big fan of Survivor and explains: "I don’t see why the strategies used to win Survivor shouldn’t work on Celebrity Apprentice. After all, they’re both produced by Mark Burnett. And we all know that once you’ve seen a Mark Burnett show, you’ve seen them all".

At the other end of the table, Selita timidly raises her hand. "I… Ahem… I want to be Project Manager."

Everyone turns around to stare at her in disbelief.

Trumps says: "Are you sure, darling?"

Selita: "Yes, yes, I can do it."

Trump then announces that tomorrow, they’ll be flying to an undisclosed destination within the continental United States, as to accomodate the Governor who’s not allowed to leave the country, in case he tries to sell it to foreigners (seems like it would be a logical progression from trying to sell senate seats). They’re all squeaking with joy like little kids, which I personally find pathetic.These people are supposed to be CELEBRITIES and they get all excited at the idea of being flown elsewhere in their OWN COUNTRY? Fuck me.

But there’s a "catch". (Cue Michael rolling his eyes.) The ever-predictable Mark Burnett decided to throw a twist in Celebrity Apprentice, exactly like he always does on Survivor: for the first time in the history of the Apprentice, the Project Managers will be separated from the rest of their team and will be flying solo to Orlando, via private jet. Because we can always use an extra plane carrying two people to help melt these most tenacious glaciers.

(Note: from now on, I shall use "PM" for "Project Manager" for reasons that should be self-explanatory.)

After that, Trump dismisses both teams without telling them what their task is about.

Back in their respective suites, Selita and Blago each organize a pep-talk. Selita is certain her girls will do a great job in spite of the presence of Cyndi Lauper and Sharon Osborne a couple of bitches on her team.

On Rocksolid, Blago grabs Bret by the bandana and drags him in a corner: "Man, you got my back?"

Bret: Dude! My hair! Careful!… Anyway, sure I got your back!

Blago: You’re gonna work hard?

Bret: Sure I’m gonna work hard, I always do. I’m the only winning PM on this team, remember?

Blago: Yeah, I remember. Why do you think I’m asking you all this for?

Curtis: I have a feeling of impending doom….

Michael and Bill: So do we…

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At 5am, Selita and Blago are woken up by a limo honking furiously below their windows. On their way to what must undoubtedly be an airport, Blago asks: "Why the hell did you volunteer to be PM? Are you crazy?

Selita: No, I’m a model.

Blago: Oh, I see. You want to prove that it’s not because you’re beautiful that you’re dumb… Right?

Selita: Yeah, sorta… Although now that I’m stuck in this car with you, I’m starting to question that thought process…

Blago: Hmmm…? I’m sorry, I was dozing off… It’s still very early… I’m gonna take a nap, I think…Mind waking me up when we get to the airport?.. You’re a trooper, thanks…

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Selita and Blago are sitting on the private jet, as Trump’s ugly mug appears on a flat screen I can only wish I could afford. He says:

"You are flying to the Universal Orlando resort, where some greedy bastards such as myself are banking on spoilt brats to make us richer by selling them an attraction called "The Wizarding World of Harry Potter". There, you’re going there to meet up with executives and gather information… blah-blah-blah…

Your task is to put together an interactive 3D display in order to create a buzz about the attraction among Harry Potter fans. You’ll have to communicate to your teammates in NY the information you gathered and your instructions. At the end of the tour, you’ll fly back and rejoin them.

You will then present your display to a group of Harry Potter fans, and if they don’t like it, they’ll fry you with their toy tasers. Oh, and the Universal executives will also put in their two cents and ridicule you on national TV if you suck.

Since my kids – my usual "eyes and ears" – are grounded tonight, I dragged old George (yeay, George!) from out of the mothballs, and selected lovely Erin here, to play the part of my hot daughter.

One last thing: if I see one of you two using an electronic device to try and communicate with your team before landing, you’re getting thrown off the plane. Have a nice flight."

Blago gets up, walks to the TV, looks behind it: "He’s gone."

Selita: Who?

Blago: Trump. He just vanished.

Selita: What the…

Blago: Hey, what did he mean by "electronic device"?

Selita: What the…

Blago: I’m tired, I’m gonna take a nap. Do you mind waking me up when we get to wherever it is we’re going? You’re a trooper, thanks.

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The Oprah moment:

On the previous episode, Summer won $20.000 for her charity, Right to Play. On this episode, she brings them the cheque.

It’s wonderful and everyone is very happy.

(I apologize for my very poor Oprah imitation. I’m cold-hearted bitch with a strong aversion for soppy shit.)

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Back in New-York, the men wake up and they’re walking around the suite all like: "Huh? Where’s Rod, man?"

And then all go back to bed.

Over at Tenacity, Cyndi gathers the ladies:

"You guys, I’ve just seen an infomercial, and they had this board that you can write on, and then you can erase it with a wet cloth. They were showing people using it in meetings and all, and they wrote lists of tasks on there, so it gave me an idea… [..] but my phone was out of batteries, so I… […] took the elevator down to the lobby… […] and they delivered it in an hour. I was very impressed so I gave him a big tip. Here it is, the Magic Eraser Board. Only 20 bucks. What do you guys think?"

Everyone: …

Holly: Well…

Cyndi (confessional): I don’t really like Holly. I find her bossy."

Holly (confessional): Cyndi’s crazy. If Trump doesn’t fire her, I will.

Sharon Osbourne (not confessional at all): Holly, you’re a bitch. Leave Cyndi the fuck alone. She has more talent in her big toe than you do in your entire person. Plus I find this show terribly boring, and she at least keeps me awake, unlike the rest of you who are as entertaining to watch as ice melting. (Note: Ice melting just a little bit faster now, thanks to the contribution of Trump’s private jet containing TWO miserable passengers. Just sayin’.) So back off her or I’m passing whatever sickness it is that I have on to you, awlright?

Holly (confessional): Man, Sharon is a psycho! Never in my life would I have ever thought that one day, I’d feel sorry for Ozzy Osbourne!

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Over at Rocksolid, the guys are getting up. While Bret makes toasts and Bill prepares coffee, Michael checks their email and Curtis, their messages and texts. Nothing.

They all look at one another. Bret unplugs the toaster (plugged toasters are a phobia of his) and they all go back to bed.

However, about two minute later, Curtis tiptoes out of his room and sits in front of the camera:

"There’s something on my mind: Rod. Last night, I had a dream that he was a technological retard. Then during my morning nap, I had the same dream again. Then while waiting in line for the bathroom, I was talking to Bill, and so did he! Weird, huh?

But now, I’m worried that it may not be a dream, but something he actually told us, and we just weren’t listening to him. You can only listen to Rod for so long before you start feeling dizzy. Nonetheless, the idea of Rod not being able to email or text is very…"

All of a sudden, Michael appears, grabs Curtis by the shoulders and yells in his face: "Are you fucking serious? Rod can’t email?"

This prompts Bill and Bret, who were passing by, to chuckle to one another: "Pfft! Who can’t email in this day and age?!"

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Aboard the gas-guzzling private jet, Governor Blagojevich is bored and Selita is too busy working to play with him. So he decides to investigate the strange tray the stewardess gave him at the beginning of the flight. After 30 minutes, he figures out that the tray opens up, but SURPRISE! Inside, there’s no food, but a screen with Trump’s ugly mug on it, as well a small shiny frisbee, probably a free gift from a company called "DVD-Rom".

Blago knocks on the screen a few times, then shouts "Trump? Are you there?" into a little hole on the side of the tray. No answer. Since Trump’s not in there, he determines there’s not much he can do, so he decides to have a quick nap in order to be fresh and well-rested for Orlando.

A few seats behind, Selita points at him, then turns back to the camera and makes a thumbs-down sign while flashing a devilish grin.

Back over at Rocksolid, the men are all gathered around the phone, silent. It rings. Then stops. A few minutes later, it rings again. Blago’s voice crackles through the speaker: "Hello? Trump Tower? Guys? Can you hear me?"

The guys are all: "Yeah, how’s it hanging, Rod? Where are you?"

Blago is seen, standing in front of a pay phone: "I’m not sure, I slept for the whole flight. But there are palm trees everywhere, so I’d say either Florida or California. Anyway, I wanted to ask you, do you guys know what a 3D display is?

Crickets are heard in the men’s suite while they’re all exchanging looks of disbelief. Disgusted, Michael hangs up on Blago. A minute later, the phone rings again.

Blago: "I think we got cut off. I hope it won’t happen again cos’ I’m down to my last quarter. Is Bret around? Bret, are you here, my man? I have a task for you.

Bret: Yeah, I’m here. Shoot. What do you want me to do?

Blago: Would you mind being PM in New York while I’m in… wherever the hell this place is?

Bret: What do you mean? What exactly are you putting me in charge of?

Blago: Everything. Ooops, my time’s ran out, I think we’re going to be cut o…"

The phone goes dead. The men look mortified. Curtis murmurs: "This isn’t good."

Bret quips back: "Tell me about it."

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At Tenacity, the women are making a wise use of their time by squabbling some more. And by "the women" I mean Cyndi and Holly.

Holly: I just wanted to tell you, I’m not here to be entertaining, I’m here to make money for my charity.

Cyndi: So are the rest of us.

Holly: Yeah, but my charity is autism.

Cyndi: Ya, aaand? What’s your point?

Holly: My point is that autism is a devastating illness and…

Sharon: You are all a bunch of useless cows. Except Cyndi, who is awesome. I’m going back to bed. Wake me up if anything comes up. Ta!

Maria gets up: "I’m going for a walk. See you in a bit."

Outside, Maria interviews: "I think there’s some kind of tension up there. Sharon and Cyndi have bonded, and Holly and Summer have bonded. And I, not having bonded with anyone, am stuck in the middle and I don’t like it. I’m thinking of throwing on a blonde wig and a bandana and go over to the men pretending to be Bret. Problem is, how do I hide my boobs?"

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Back in Orlando, Rod and Selita are whisked into an obscenely large black car. Immediately, Selita pulls out her cell phone and starts texting. Blago leans over, curious: "Whatcha doin’?"

Selita: I ain’t telling you shit.

Blago: Whoa, defensive much? Has anyone ever told you that you’re very pretty? Anyway, what’s this thing you’re holding there? A deck of cards?

Selita rolls her eyes: Boy, you’re a nuisance. Can you please shut up, I’m trying to text my team here…

Blago: Tex… whaaa? Oh, look at that beautiful scenery, isn’t that wonderful?

Selita, exasperated, curls up in a fetal position, two fingers firmly pushed in her ears.

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We go back to New York, where all the ladies except from Holly are huddled up around the computer, laughing their asses off. Turns out that Selita has made a YouTube compilation of different videos she took of Blago trying to use a laptop, a cell, a Crackberry and a public toilet.

Holly says: "We got mail, you guys." Seems like between two giggles at Blago’s expense, Selita found the time to do some work.

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Rod and Selita’s stupinormous car drops them off at Universal, where a casually dressed suit welcomes them and takes them for the tour of the Harry Potter thing. To be quite honest, I couldn’t care less about Harry Potter and his Wizarding World, so you don’t mind if I fast-forward over this part?

Rod loves it because it’s a fantasy world he admits wishing he could live in permanently. Personally, after being exposed to Blago for a few hours, all thanks to Donald Trump, I can now see how that would be. Rod himself is about as unreal and out of this world as the Harry Potter universe is, so I guess he can relate.

As for Selita, she’s strolling around wearing a witch’s hat and taking pictures of everything that either moves or doesn’t.

After the tour, the two are invited to stuff as many promotional items as they can in big bags, a bit like on that game show where you’re let loose in a grocery store and have a minute to grab as much shit as you can before the clock runs out (and if you ever play in that game show, I have one word for you: electronics.)

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Meanwhile on Rocksolid, Bret has taken a hit of acid that is just kicking in as we head back to New-York. All of a sudden, he’s seeing "it". The concept, I mean. For the Harry Potter thing. Jeez are you following the story or not?

If you aren’t, you’re not alone. From the puzzled look on Bret’s teammates’ faces, I gather they don’t have a clue what the heck he’s going on about.

What follows is a back and forth between the two teams who are doing their best to brainstorm in the dark (especially the men). The ladies have at least the sketches and guidelines Selita sends them on a regular basis, via what Blago probably considers as magic, but that the rest of us know under the name of "technology".

Curtis and Michael interview that Bret is a confused and confusing motherfucker who’s unable to communicate clearly the ideas brewing under his colourful bandana. Maria complains about there being "too many cooks in the kitchen" and probably has a point, even though the women at least seem to be working together in trying to come up with a concept, unlike the men who are all standing around Bret, looking at him as if he was a circus freak.

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In Orlando, Selita is seen on the phone with her teammates, listening to the ideas they came up with. Outside, another camera follows Blago, who’s walking the streets in quest of a working pay phone. He finally spots one, but as he’s frantically searching his pockets, he remembers he’s all out of quarters. He proceeds to beg change from passers-by. Meanwhile, in Illinois, several people throw a rock at their television as they’re wondering why in heaven they ever voted for this bumbling idiot.

After what seems to be a long time, a bum finally approaches Blago and hands him a quarter, then turns to the camera to say: "I may not have much, but I cannot help but feel sorry for the mentally challenged." Somewhere in New York, the casting agent for the next installment of the Apprentice makes a note of "trying to find that uncommonly discerning homeless person who gave a quarter to Blago in Orlando."

Curtis’s phone rings. It’s Blago on the line: "Hi, who am I speaking to? Is this Bret?"

Curtis passes the phone to Bret while rolling his eyes and whispers to Michael: "He thought I was Bret. Guess he hadn’t noticed my subtle British accent. What a twat." Michael chuckles.

Bret however, isn’t chuckling at all. "What did you just say? You’ll have my back when we go to the boardroom? But I don’t wanna go to the boardroom!"

Blago: Listen Bret, it’s pretty obvious that with me as a PM, we’re going to lose this task. I might be a politician, but I know my limitations: if I failed as the Governor of Illinois, which is the easiest job in the world after Trump’s, I’m surely going to fail at this Henry Spotter project. Forget about it. If you don’t want to do this, it’s fine with me. In that case, take the rest of the day off and on the flight back, I’ll just try to think of a good excuse for the boardroom. Coming up with excuses is one of my few skills. Ooops, my quarter has ran out, see you in New York! Oh, and I’m bringing swag back!

He hangs up. Rocksolid isn’t looking too solid to me right now. The guys are standing there, all: "Is he serious? So what do we do now? Try to come up with something, *anything*, or should we just start rehearsing for the boardroom?"

Curtis replies: "We could do both. I’m sure we can learn our boardroom lines while doing some manual work…"

Bret: Great idea, I second that. So here’s what I thought: since Harry Potter takes place in and around a castle, I think that’s what we should build. And since Harry Potter is a series of books, we should have a library. That way, we’ll at least get brownie points from J.K. Rawlings, if not from the Universal execs. And while we’re helping the carpenters build all the stuff, we can work on our lines. How’s that?

Bret’s teammates seem a tad skeptical, but they’re willing to go along with him. The carpenters however, are well impressed by Bret’s sense of initiative. "I thought that guy was a clown, but now that I’ve found out he is working under Blago, I have the deepest respect for him. Hey, I’m from Chicago, I know the score!"

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It’s now time for the PMs to fly back to New York. On the way to the airport, while they’re waiting at a red light, Rod leans forward and asks the driver: "Excuse me Sir, do you have a cell phone I could borrow? Mine is broken." The driver hands him a cell. Blago looks at it, then hands it back: "Excuse me Sir, would you mind dialing a number for me? It seems like my glasses are also broken." Selita gives him a sidelong glance, chuckles, then goes back to her sketches and notes and drawings and texting.

Curtis’s phone rings: "Hey, it’s Rod! How are you guys doing?"

Curtis: We’re doing alright actually. Bret has come up with some plans and what we’ve built so far looks pretty good.

Blago: Hey, guess what? Do you know where I’m calling you from?

Curtis: No, where are you?

Blago: I’m in a CAR! I’m calling you from a cell phone!! These things are AMAZING! I might buy one when I get back. Will you show me out to use it? Selita, who’s sitting beside me didn’t want to. Oh, we’re going into a tunnel, this is…"

Curtis looks at his phone, then at this teammates in disbelief. "I have no comment", he says. "Let’s get back to work."

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Aboard the atmosphere-destroying private jet flying the PMs back to New-york, Selita takes quick a break from brainwashing herself with the Harry Potter Wizardry thingamajig DVD to call the stewardess: "I’m sorry to bother you, but would you happen to have a clothespin, by any chance?"

The stewardess looks at her: "A clothespin? What for?"

Selita points at Blago who is fast asleep: "He’s been snoring since we took off. I kicked him a couple of times, to no avail. I’m *that* far from trying to choke him to death with one of these expensive-looking cushions. Help me, please."

The stewardess replies: "I feel your pain. My ex-husband is a snorer too. After a a year and a half, I asked that we slept in separate bedrooms, and things went downhill from there. I…."

Selita sighs: "Please. I beg you."

The stewardess nods, then says: "I don’t have any clothespins, but I can give you earphones."

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In New-York, we find out that not all the members of Tenacity is as tenacious as their name proclaims. Sharon Osbourne, still sick from that episode we saw over two weeks ago now, is wandering around, coughing on everything and everyone, including on Trump’s "eyes and ears", George, who has just come in to see how the ladies were doing.

In spite of Sharon spitting bits of stuff left and right, George is very impressed by the women’s impression of "cool, calm and collected." If only he knew… He calls their concept: "boawld" but seems hesitant as whether or not "they can pull it oawff". Love George, love his accent! He should totally replace Trump!

It’s now the men’s turn to get a visit from Trump’s eyes and ears. However, in Bret’s mind, it wasn’t so much "eyes and ears" as "tits and ass". As soon as Erin walks into the room, Bret runs out, muttering something under his breath. Then we see him, stepping out of the bathroom while buttoning his pants with trembling hands. He interviews:

"As soon as I saw Erin, I had this crazy erection, and since I go commando, it was pretty obvious. I didn’t want to come across as a horny pervert, so I ran to the bathroom, threw a bucket of cold water at my penis and put on some briefs under my jeans. I think I’ll be OK now. I’d better go."

Bret explains in minutiae details his concept to Erin, but she’s not listening to him: "Yeah, yeah, very nice. Now give me the dirt. You all look like a bunch a sad puppies, except from Bret who’s babbling like a coke head while trying to hit on me. By the way, I’m very flattered, Bret, but from what you told me, I think I will decline your offer to be a contestant on Rock of Love 4. But thanks for asking. Now back on topic: what’s going in here? My female intuition tells me something other than Bret’s "instrument" is up. What is it?"

The guys all look down at their shoes.

Erin: I can tell that you want to speak about it. Come on, you can talk to me… I promise it will stay between you, me the cameras, and soon, millions of viewers… So, wanna tell Erin what’s going on…?

Immediately, the guys all start talking at the same time:

Bill: It’s Rod, Ma’am, he’s useless!

Michael: He didn’t give any of us anything specific to do, nor did he relay any useful information about the project!

Bret: He basically put me in charge of everything, so if we fail, my head’s on the chopping block. Although he did say he’d have my back if we lost. Whatever that means. He’s a politician after all.

Curtis: And he’s technological retard. He can’t even use a computer!

Erin: You mean he… he can’t email?

All the guys: NO!

Erin: What an idiot!

All the guys: TELL US ABOUT IT!

Erin leaves, then interviews that should the men lose, the axe will surely fall on either Bret or Rod. She adds that she’s considering maybe just auditioning for Rock of Love 4 after all, just to see what an audition is like.

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Then for the next minute and 34 seconds, we see the teams working hard and seeming happy with what they’ve achieved. Bo-ring!

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The PMs are back in New York and about to rejoin their teams.

Rod walks in on Bret and Bill busy painting brown everything they can get their hands on and that’s not attached to a wall or the floor. He stops, in shock: "Oh my God?! You guys actually have done some work on this?! That’s fantastic! Very good, very, very good! Keep it up! I’m gonna go and have a quick nap, I’m exhausted from the trip and the jet lag. See you in a bit."

And he walks out before Bret and Bill have the time to point out that New-York and Orlando are in the same time zone.

He enters the office, and then pauses, mortified. He interviews: "I couldn’t believe what I saw in there: Curtis and Michael, sitting down, wasting time eating dinner. DINNER! And not just dinner, RIBS too! I was appalled. They didn’t even offer me any. Am I the PM or not? I’ll get them for that."

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Selita’s return to her team is greeted with mucho enthusiasm. The women are all excited to see her and to show them what they’ve done. Selita rejects a few of their ideas, arguing (rightly) that she was the only one to meet with the execs, thus the one with the best grasp of what they want. Then each lady is assigned a role for the following day’s presentation.

From what I’ve seen so far, it seems to me that Selita has done a very fine job as PM. She’s firm in her decisions, yet gave me the impression of listening to her teammates. She also strikes me as a hard worker (she did take charge of the cooking in their very first task; I know I would have completely freaked out in that kitchen, but she kept her shit together.) Good for her, I give her props.

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On Rocksolid, Rod wakes up from his nap all fresh and perky and goes to see how his team is going. As soon as he walks in, they surround him: "Rod? How do you want to do the presentation?"

Blago: Presentation? What presentation?

The guys: Tomorrow’s presentation, for the Universal execs and the focus group.

Blago: Oh, that… Oh, I’m not worried about that. I’ll think of a key message to explain the whole concept, I’ll sleep on it and if I don’t like it in the morning, I’ll come up with another one. As for the presentation, I have candy and other knick-knacks for the kids, so we’ll just give ’em that, goof around and have a good time.

Michael: But shouldn’t we write stuff down, so that we know who does what?

Blago: I don’t have a pen so we can’t write anything down. Anyway, I think we should just improvise. It’ll be more natural that way. Kids can tell when something is scripted. Anyway, I have an idea I need to sleep on, so I’ll see y’all later.

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The following morning, it’s raining. We’re shown a shot of the cutest little dog wearing the cutest little yellow raincoat. It’s so sweet that I could throw up. Seriously, best moment of the entire episode.

In the van taking them to the presentation space, Bret is brainstorming like crazy, with Bill throwing in the odd bit of feedback here and there. Once in a while, Rod, sitting behind them, interrupts Bret to tell him his ideas sucks and that he should come up with other ones. At a red light, an exasperated Bret opens the door and steps out:

"I’m walking" he says.

Bill opens the other door: "I’ll walk with ya."

The Governor is flabbergasted, but seeing the opportunity for a last pre-presentation nap, closes his eyes and dozes off.

Meanwhile, Michael and Curtis are in charge of picking up some props for their display. They gather a few Harry-Potter-ish items, then call Blago to ask him if he approves of them and if there’s anything else he wants them to pick up.

Blago: " You should have given me some notice, as I haven’t had a chance to sleep on that idea yet. And it doesn’t look like I’ll have time to until the presentation. so my suggestion to you is: use your judgment. Anything you think looks good, take it. K, bye. And stop calling every 5 minutes, please, it’s annoying."

Michael and Curtis exchange a look. "What a dipshit! I can’t believe this guy! And he was Governor?! LMAO!"

After hanging up on Michael and Curtis, the "Governor" decides it’s time to go bully Bret and Bill some more. Just as Bret is done stapling a picture of the Universal attraction in one of the castle’s fake windows, Rod tears if off. "I don’t like this. It’s fugly."

Bret: But are we going to put there?

blago: I don’t know. Come up with something. I put you in charge of creative, remember? It’s your job to have ideas."

Bret takes a deep breath, and storms toward the bathroom, where he interviews, while pulling a tiny plastic bag out of his jeans pocket: "I’ve stopped using years ago, but last night, after I left that strip club, when that kid asked me if I wanted to buy ecstasy, I just had this voice in my head that said: "Just do it!" And I’m glad I did. This baby is the only thing that’s gonna keep me from headbutting Rod. He’s driving everyone nuts."

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Over at Tenacity, a cloaked Sharon welcomes the kids who are going to judge their display. Selita and her witch hat then take over. I don’t know what the fuck Selita was going on about, because I was too stunned to hear a British accent that’s worse than mine to actually listen to what she was saying.

Selita interviews that if anyone in the room can do a worse British accent than her, please stand up.

I remain seated while she explains that if she’s walking a runway and one of her boobs threatens to pop out, she tucks it back in and keeps walking. Wannabe Victoria’s Secret models, take note. Keep your boobs tucked in and don’t try to talk with a British accent unless you really have to.

And in this case, Selita didn’t have to, because she had an actual British person standing right next to her. I can only assume that she decided to do the intro herself as to have an excuse to tell her little Victoria’s Secret model anecdote.

Then, in a impeccable British accent and a perfectly fitting raspy voice, Sharon summons one of the kids to enter their smoke and mirrors and papier-mâché castle.

Once inside, the kid is welcome by a black-clad Cyndi who repeats twice each one of her lines: "Don’t look at me! Look at the screen! Muggles and wizards! Come this way!" For some reason I’m not clear on, her character seems to get on Sharon’s nerves.

The kid is then whisked into the next room, occupied by Maria-the-human-magic-wand-vending-machine. What I really liked about that part, was the very-low tech but efficient "special effect" the women used to give the impression that the boxes piled up against the inside of the wall were flying off the shelves. On the other side, Summer was poking various boxes with a broomstick. Basic, but clever. I know zip about Harry Potter, but I’m aware that it’s about wizards and that wizards are spooky; and so are flying boxes. It worked well with the theme, nice touch.

As the kids are given their wand, a fan and a smoke machine are turned on the wind starts blowing and fog appears. I cannot help but notice that one of the "kids" has bigger boobs than me. And no, yours truly ain’t exactly flat. However, in my time, kids were.

At the exit, the kids are greeted by Holly, also cloaked, who gives them a bunch of the goodies Selita raided from Universal.

All the women then gather in front of their display to thank everyone for coming to "the Wizarding world of Harry Potter", after which Sharon, always the businesswoman, hilariously adds "at Universal".

.

The focus group and execs then head to Rocksolid. Bret interviews that if the kids dont like their display, he’ll punch them in their obnoxious little faces. Then, dressed up as the singer from Poison, he makes a very matter-of-fact speech about the attraction, from the point of view of a father of two. I didn’t like it initially, but after rewatching it, I find it kinda works, though I liked the women’s intro better, shitty British accents and all.

"Professor Curtis" (doing a good job) then steps out of the castle to bring he kids one by one to "the Governor", who welcomes them in a perfect Chicago accent. However, at this point, I’m not clear on what’s going on in there. If I didn’t hear Blago babbling, I’d swear he’s fallen asleep on the "on" button of the smoke machine.

The smoke clears just long enough for me to identify Bill as a talking tree. But when the kids wave their wand on front of him, Bill shows his versatility by becoming a MOVING tree! Oh, my, this is revolutionary! (I’m not a hardcore feminist or anything, but my vote for "best cheesy special effect" goes to the women’s flying boxes. By miles.)

Even Bret seems to have second thoughts about the moving tree idea, about Michael dressed up as an evil monk waiting for the kids at the castle’s exit, and most of all, about Professor Curtis’s catchphrases, such as: "I’ll let you use my wand just once".

After Curtis asks one of the kids: "Do you think you can take control of the wand?" Bret interviews hilariously: "Oh my God… All of us are going to prison after this creepy castle ride!" LOL!

Creepy or not, the kids seem to enjoy the display, and things appear to be going well. Too well; Blago decides the time has come to sabotage things a little. " We need more smoke. We can actually see stuff and people can breathe. I don’t like it. I want more smoke. Hear what I said? Pump that friggin’ smoke!"

Then he exists as the smoke invades the castle, asphyxiating Bill and Curtis.

One of Universal’s suits decides to check the display for himself. He enters the castle, and while trying to feel his way in the middle of all the smoke, he accidentally bumps into Curtis who asks: "Who goes there?" The smoke clears a bit, and upon recognizing the suit in front of him, Curtis frantically delivers his pitch about the attraction. The suit interrupts him: "Can you tell me more about the kind of rides you will find in the Wizarding World of…"

Seeing an opportunity to get his own back from Blago and his stupid obsession with smoke, balloons (see previous episode) and naps, Curtis turns around: "The Headmaster knows all about the rides! Governor! Governooooor, where are yooooouuu?"

Blago angrily shuffles in, elbowing Curtis on the way: "I’m not the Governor, moron, I’m the Headmaster!"

He then turns to the suit: "Hello, nice to meet you, Sir, name’s Rod Blagojevich, ex-Governor of Illinois and I’m innocent. What would you like to know? Oh, the ride? The ride is called the… Erm… The Dragon Slayer… I…"

Michael shouts from outside the castle: "No, the Dragon-Slayer is the nickname Coach gave to himself on Survivor. Am I the only one here who watches that show?"

Meanwhile, Blago has found the "on" button on the smoke machine and is furiously pumping it in the hopes of smoking the exec out of the castle. But the exec knows better and just stands there, chuckling silently.

Outside the castle, in the non-fogged up world of Not-Harry-Potter, Bret takes the kids to a table where all the Potter merchandise bagged by Rod is displayed and invites them to take what they want.

A cloaked figure then passes out a plate of candy to the kids and execs, as Bret thanks everyone for coming and reminds them that the real Wizarding World of Harry Potter will be WAY better than the debauchery (his actual word) they just witnessed. As the men exit, Bret interviews that their presentation was such a disaster that there’s a good chance they could win.

Once all the guys have left, the execs quiz the kids on which display they liked best. The general consensus seems to be that the women were more true to the story, knew the subject matter better and gave a better idea of what the Universal attraction was about. However, they found the men’s presentation more entertaining and energetic than the women’s.

.

Boardroom time! The very reason why I started to recap this stupid show in the first place! I just couldn’t wait to write the "transcript" of the dialogue that took place in there! So here we go!

Trump: Governor, did you win?

Blago: I used to be the Governor of Illinois, so I […] never anticipate […] could have happened so […] but it coulda been worse.

Trump: What did you think of your team?

Blago: I thought they were great. And Bret.was a superstar.

Trump: Is he the best in the team?

Blago: From what I’ve seen, Bret […] best creative grasp on […] very talented […] excellent initiative…

Trump: OK, OK, I got it… Bret? How was the Governor?

Bret: I thought he did a great job at leaving us alone and giving us – and by "us", I mean "me" – complete and total and utter freedom to complete the project in his absence, and then in his presence. He also has great delegational skills.

Michael, for some weird reason, is standing up behind the other guys, which makes it look like he’s looming over them, which he totally is. He’s also visibly disagreeing 100% with everything that’s been said so far.

Anyhoo, what I want to know is: how come Trump doesn’t have a table big enough to sit 11 people, and since he apparently doesn’t, why the fuck doesn’t he purchase half-a-dozen of those folding chairs from Ikea? I have one, and they’re great.

Back in the boardroom, Trump notices Michael’s agitation. "What do you think?" he asks.

Michael: I’m with Bret on one point: Rod was great at delegating. Two problems though: #1: He only delegated to Bret, leaving the rest of us with no specific tasks to accomplish, and #2: Delegating to Bret is the only thing he did during the whole task.

Trump: Goldberg? You’re a talkative guy, I’m sure you know a lot about communication. How do you think your PM handled that part, what with him being in Florida and you here?

Bill: It was… difficult.

Looming Michael chuckles in the back row. Bret leans over to Bill and whispers: "Tell him."

Bill turns to Bret and yells in face: "Don’t tell me what the fuck to say! I’ll say what I want, got it, punk?!" Bret backs off, and Bill opens his mouth to speak again, but Curtis, who has been wriggling on his seat the whole time cannot contain himself any longer: "BLAGO CAN’T USE A COMPUTER!! HAHAHA!!"

Trump: You can’t use a computer???

The whole room breaks down. Geoawge is ROTF, Erin is LHAO while Cyndi is standing on the table singing "True Colours" in duet with Bret. This lasts for two good minutes, then Trump clears his throat and everyone promptly gets back into their previous positions and stares at Blago.

Blago: If you don’t mind, I’d like to explain myself a little bit. They’re all accusing me of not communicating, but it’s not true. Right off the bat, I communicated very clearly to Bret that I put him in charge of everything, and by everything, I meant "EVERYTHING", and I did just that. As for relaying information back to my team, it’s certainly not my fault if there aren’t enough pay phones in Orlando.

Trump: Erin, what did you think of the guys?

Erin: Hello Bret…! … Ahem… I… They… Oh, is it me or is it hot in here?… Hihi! I… Oh, yeah, the men… They were, well, you know… good… nice… polite…

Trump: ERIN!!!

Erin: Ahhhaargh! What the… You spooked the hell out of me! I… Oh, yes, yes, the men… Well, if you want my opinion, Rod’s to blame: can’t email, can’t text, can barely phone… Pathetic! I’d fire him right away. In fact I’d fire all of them and give Bret the job. … I…"

Everyone stares at Erin. Blago lets out a sigh of relief. Erin burst into tears and runs out of the room crying. Everyone stares back at Blago:

"What? Me again? What have I done?"

Everyone: Nothing! That’s the problem.

Trump then turns to the women, and addresses Selita, with whom he has a pleasant little exchange which goes well and in which she accurately described how they completed their task. All the women liked her as PM and everyone thought everyone else worked hard. Trump forcefully tries to push Selita’s buttons to get her to say something bitchy about one of the women, but she doesn’t budge and neither does any of the others.

During this drama-free discussion, Erin has quietly snuck back into the boardroom. Trump asks her what the execs thought of the men. She answers that both the execs and the kids enjoyed the overall display, but they conflicted over Bill’s talking tree, which the kids liked, but the execs didn’t. When summoned, George gives as evasive an answer as Erin just did.

Trump reveals the ladies won, wishes them well, then kicks them out fo the boardroom. And now the real fun begins!

.

Not. We join the women celebrating in the suite, all ecstatic. Lame. Happy people are boring. Let’s head back to the boardroom, where Michael finally got to sit down on one of the freshly vacated seats. Trump asks him if he’s surprised to be here.

Michael: Not at all. The second I nominated Rod for PM, I knew we were doomed, but most of all, I knew he was doomed, which is exactly what I wanted. He’s useless in challenges, but he’s likable and has a good social game. I want him voted out before the merge, cos’ he’ll be a threat after th…

Trump: Michael? Wrong show. This is Celebrity Apprentice, not Survivor.

George: I like Survivor. I’m rooting for Parvati! You?

Michael: Oh, you too?!! I’m r…

Trump: Ok, enough of this. Michael, who do you want to vote out?

Michael: I vote to evict Rod.

Geroge: I like Big Brother too.

Bill: Me too.

Trump: Michael, do you like Rod as a person?

Michael: I do, actually.

Trump: Me too. I like Rod a LOT. He’s an ex-politician who committed fraud and is awaiting trial. Ratings magnet.

.

Just a quick note, I might write a lot of bullshit, but I will abstain from "recapping" Trump’s little monologue about Blago not wanting to offend anyone on his team, since there could be blacks (Michael), Jews (Bill), wasps (Curtis), or diabetics (Bret) on Blago’s jury. Because that is bullshit even I can’t top.

Trump then proceeds to rhetorically suck Blago’s dick: "Governor, I find you very brave to come on my show. You are in a lot of trouble, and yet, you have the nerve to come here and keep up the bullshit. You are great. I really admire you and what you do for my ratings. Please stay. Please don’t make me fire you."

Blago responds with a loooong politician’s speech which I’ll not even bother with because even though I’m good at bullshit, I just cannot compete with a politician in that capacity.

During Blago’s tirade, Trump is visibly dozing off, as is everyone else. In a last attempt to fight off sleep, Trump shouts: "CURTIS?"

Curtis is all startled and:"What? What?"

Trump: Curtis, how was Bret?

Curtis: V…

Trump: But who running the task? Bret or Rod?

Curtis: Bret was.

Trump: Did he do a good job?

Curtis: Yes, he did.

Trump: In that case, wouldn’t you say it was great delegation on Rod’s part?

Curtis: Yes, but…

Trump: See, Rod? I just made you "great Delegator"! Don’t screw up now…! OK, everyone, how was Goldberg? Did he work hard?

Bret: He worked his butt off. He worked so hard he almost passed out.

Trump: Passed out? Passing out is pussy shit. Wimpy shit. Aren’t you supposed to be a tough guy?

Bill: I’m a celebrity, dude. I’m not used to do actual work. I’d like to see how you would fare on one of the tasks you give us. I bet you wouldn’t be much better than the "Governor" here…

Trump: Bill, you seem to forget an important thing. I’m the boss here. One more word from you and you’re fired. Got it?

Bill: Yes, sir.

Trump: Governor, you basically passed all of your duties on to Brett. Will you be bringing him back to the boardroom?

Blago: I will not.

Trump: WTF??? WHY not?

Blago: For one, because I thought he was good, and two, because I’m not an asshole. I might be the ex-Governor of Illinois and an innocent man, I’m not a complete dickhead. I said I’d have his back should we screw up, which they did, and I’m a man of my word. Plus, before we were even assigned the task, I already had two people picked for the final boardroom anyway.

Trump: Wh… What? Whom? Why? Dude!… Ok, tell me… who, other than Bret, does it MAKE SENSE TO BRING BACK HERE FOR CHRIST’S SAKE? GET YOUR HEAD TOGETHER AND SAY BRET! Please? With a pretty cherry on top…?

Blago: I choose to bring back Michael and Curtis.

Michael and Curtis: Why? What have we done?

Blago: You didn’t offer me a single rib after I got back from Orlando. Not one. Not even a bone. So rude…!

Trump: Michael, do you think he’s bringing you back because you’re black?

Michael: Not at all. I think he’s bringing me back because I repeatedly called him out on his BS. And also because we didn’t offer him any ribs. I’d like to apologize for that actually, it was a pretty shitty thing to do. I’d take someone back to the boardroom based on that myself, if you ask me.

Trump: How about you, Curtis?

Curtis: I’m disappointed too. But I could easily have whipped a meal together for him if he was hungry. I’m a chef, remember? As for coming back to the boardroom, I don’t give a shit, cos’ I know there’s no way in the world I’ll be fired.

.

Erin clears her throat: "According to the execs, you lost this task because of inconsistencies. You weren’t familiar enough with the subject matter and often used the wrong terms when describing the world of Harry Potter."

Geroge: Who the hell was in charge of the research for that thing?

All the guys look silently at Blago.

Blago: Can I just say a little something? I’m the Ex-Gov… […] innocent until proven guilty […] when I was a young boy […] prostitute in a bar […] funniest thing I ever saw in my life, and […] she said iPhone, so I asked:"You what?" but she […] Universal to see the Wizardringamajig world of Henr… erm, Harry Potter.

Trump: Beg pardon? The what?

Blago: The Wizarding World of Harry Potter.

Trump: Wizarding.

Blago: Wizarding.

Trump: No, it’s wi-zar-ding.

Blago: That’s what I said. Wizarding.

Try: No, you said…

Bill: Enough already! He said wizarding, dammit! Guys, didn’t he said "wizarding"?

All the guys respond with a quick, awkward little nod, including George.

Bill: So what now? Are you gonna fire me, Trump? Huh, tough boy? Watcha gonna do?

Trump: I… ahem…Bill, you can leave. You seem a little… hum… on edge. I guess anyone would be after working hard to the point of almost passing out. You can go back to the suite and drink some champagne with the women. I wasn’t gonna fire you anyway. Go get some rest now, good bye.

Bill is a little surprised, but he doesn’t protest. He gets up, wishes everyone a good night, and exits.

As soon as the door closes behind him, Trump comments: "Boy, does this guy have a temper or what!! Is he always snippy like this? I’m gonna have to keep an eye on him. OK, Rod, are you done?"

Blago: Almost, just one last thing: I’m innocent. Oh, and I’m a nice guy. Just don’t hire me to work with computers, that’s all. Hehe!

Trump: OK, Rod, now that we’ve narrowed it down a little, are you still sure that you shouldn’t be bringing back to the boardroom the only person here whom you’re not bringing back to the boardroom but should?

All the guys: What?

George: I would still like to know who was in charge of the research…

Erin: Me too.

Blago: Well, I took charge of putting Bret in charge of everything, so he should have put some people in charge of that. But since he was in charge of everything else too, I guess he just forgot about it and no one bothered to remind him. And by no one, I mean Michael and Curtis.

Erin: But what with Bret being in charge of everything, shouldn’t he be responsible for not assigning anyone to that task?

Trump: Yeah, what she said!

Blago: Leave Bret alone. He didn’t do anything I told him to do because I didn’t tell him anything in the first place. What is it that you don’t understand?

Trump: I don’t want to understand, I want you to bring Bret back.

Blago: Ain’t gonna happen. Bret didn’t have any help other than Bill’s. And the whole time I was gone, instead of helping him, Michael and Curtis were stuffing their faces with ribs. If they had helped him, maybe we would have won.

Trump: I beseech you. Please bring Bret back to the boardroom.

Blago: No.

Trump: Please.

Bret: Hell, if I was in Rod’s boots, even I’d bring me back to the boardroom!

Trump: See? Bret wants to come back!

Bret: Hey, I didn’t say I want…

Trump: Sssshhh Bret. If you come back to the boardroom, I promise to set you up with Erin. I know you like her. So, do we have a deal?

Bret bursts out laughing! Haha! You think I waited for you to hit on her?! Hahaha! Let me tell you a little secret, Donald. Take a good look at Erin, future winner of Rock of Love 4!

Trump: What?

Erin: Yes, it’s true. This is my last season on the Apprentice, Donald. I’m quitting as soon as this is over, and in September, I’ll be on the cast of Rock of Love 4.

Bret: And by Thanksgiving, you’ll be in my pan… erm… famous. I meant you’ll be famous.

Trump sighs: "Wow. This is a rough night and a tough crowd. I’m SO going back to the regular Apprentice featuring regular Joes after this season. No more celebrities, too much attitude. I’m done with them. So, Bret: I’m asking you one last time, will you please-please-please come back to the boardroom? I’ll give $20.000 to your charity if you do. As well as a "I was on Celebrity Apprentice and all I got was this lousy bandana" bandana as a special gift to you. What do you say?"

Bret: Fine. Fine, I’ll come back. But you can keep your lousy bandana. Rod got me a much nicer one in Orlando. It says: "I went to the Wizarding World of Harry Potter and all I got was fired."

Trump: Heard that, Rod? Bret wants to come back.

Blago: Fine. In that case, I’m bringing back Bret, Michael and Curtis and I’m sending myself back to the suite.

Trump: But… it doesn’t work like that. You were the PM, you…

Blago: Listen, Trump. You don’t tell me what to do. I am the ex-Governor of Illinois, I don’t listen to anybody. Not while I’m still roaming free. So it’s either Bret who comes back, or me. You pick. And you might as well pick me, because to be honest, I’m kind of tired of being on this show. It’s not as fun as I thought it would be. Day after day, we keep having to get up early, think, work, answer questions… It’s exhausting. Bret, what do you think? Do you like being on this show?

Bret: Not really, but I’ve nothing to do until the next season of Rock of Love starts, other than recruiting exceptionally good-looking women, like Erin here, for the cast… And speaking of good-looking, Trump, do you know if your daughter’s busy in September?

Trump: You. Get out. Now. Lay one finger on my daughter, and I’m destroying you verbally, just like I did for Rosie O’Donnell. Come on, get the hell out of here. You’re fired.

Blago: Fine. I’m leaving too then. Goodbye.

Blago gets up, exits the room. Bret follows him. Erin follows them. Trump, disheartened, starts sobbing, his face in his hands. "I… I don’t want the… the Governor to gooooo! He’s… *sniffles*… He’s so good for… *sobs*… for… ratings… BWAHHHH!!"

George pats him on the back: "Now now… Bret isn’t bad either for ratings, you know? No one in the world expected him to survive one day on this show, and so far, he’s been the best among the guys. I’m sure people will tune in to see if he can keep it up… Here, have a tissue."

Trump dries his tears, blows his nose and calls security to ask for Blago to be brought back to the boardroom. He adds: "Tell Bret I’ve unfired him and promise I won’t destroy him verbally."

Blago reenters the boardroom, an exasperated look on his face.

Trump: Sit down, Governor.

Blago: I don’t wanna.

Trump: I’ll give you 19 more chances to change your mind and bring Bret back to the boardroom. One…

Blago: I don’t wanna.

Trump: Two…

George: Where’s Erin?

Blago: Bret took her to see a death-metal show.

Trump: You mean Bret has left the building?

Blago: Yes, sir.

Trump: What time does the show finish?

George: About 1am. I went last night. Good gig, but all this headbanging made me tired, so I’m not waiting until Bret comes back. Either you fire one of these three here, or I’m going to bed.

Trump: Sigh… Alright, fine. I don’t know what’s with you all tonight, but I find everyone to be very unruly and rude. I’m Donald Trump, remember?

Blago: And I’m the ex-Governor of Illinois who wants out of Celebrity Apprentice and is about to fire himself if Donald Trump doesn’t do it.

Trump: Fine. I’ll fire you shortly, but we need to tape a couple of minutes of the final boardroom for the viewers first, so I’ll ask you some pointy questions and you all pretend you don’t want to be fired and fight back, OK?

Blago: You promise you won’t try to pull a fast one and fire Michael instead of me, Trump?

Trump: I promise. Are we rolling? Action! Governor, you just proved you have a lot of fight in you. Way more than I could ever imagine actually. What do you have to say?

Blago: I think we did a good job overall. The women were just better than us.

Trump: Why didn’t you bring Bret back?

George: Gee, let it go already!

Trump: Ok, ok… Rod, who should I fire?

Blago: Me.

Trump: And then in second place? Curtis or Michael?

Blago: Curtis.

Michael, flabbergasted, turns to Blago: "Really? I would have sworn you’d say my name."

Blago: I was gonna, but I re-thought about what Trump said about potential black jurors on my trial, and in retrospect, I think he had a point. Better offend the British than the African-American community. Furthermore, Curtis has a very popular show of his own and is very successful. He doesn’t need the Apprentice. Michael, as a washed-out Olympic champion, does.

Michael: Way to not offend this African-American… If anyone needs to be on this show, it’s you, you fucking corrupted piece of shit politician loser! I hope you go to prison!

Blago: Ouch. That hurt.

What follows is a long, desperate, pathetic attempt by Trump to keep Blago around. He bribes Curtis to throw Michael under the bus, blackmails Michael so that he badmouths Curtis and ends up throwing himself down at Blago’s feet, crying like a little girl. All to no avail.

Curtis: Mr. Trump, this is absurd. We’ve been here for 6 hours, and every single person here told you 100 times that the Governor was fucking awful as PM. Even he did.

Michael: I second that.

Blago: I third it.

George: Co-sign. I’ve had enough of this, I’m going to bed.

Trump: Alright, alright! Sigh… Ok… Governor, it pains me to no end to say this, because at this minute, I’d gladly give my daughter to Bret if it meant I could keep you here, but I see it’s not gonna happen. Rod, you’re fired.

A huge sigh of relief is heard both in the boardroom and my own living-room. Maybe I shouldn’t recap two-hours long shows anymore. Especially if they feature politicians.

Blago thanks Trump for giving him back his freedom, so that he can enjoy life a little in case it’s taken away from him in a few months. Curtis puts his hand on the Governor’s shoulder: "Rod, are you hungry? What do you say we go out for some ribs? It’s on me!"

Blago: Sure, why not?

George: Michael, there’s an element of Survivor that I’d like to discuss with you, how about a nightcap?

Michael: Sure why not?

They all exit, leaving Trump alone in the boardroom. He sits still for a while, then presses the intercom button: "Hello? Anyone there?"

Receptionist: Yes Mr. Trump?

Trump: Amanda? I’d like a double-scotch, no ice, please.

Amanda: Yes Mr. Trump.

Trump: Amanda?

Amanda: Yes Mr. Trump?

Trump: Care to join me for a drink?

Amada: I don’t drink alcohol Mr. Trump.

Trump: In that case, just bring me the bottle."

.

In the car taking him away from His Trumpness, Blago confesses that there was no way in the world he was gonna throw Bret under the bus, given that the rocker pretty much single-handedly accomplished the task.

As for me, I think the right person got fired, even though I wish it wasn’t the case. Personally, I find Michael stiff and boring and would have been perfectly happy with him getting the boot, and to hell with fairness.

Useless or not, Blago was comedy gold. I’ll miss him dearly. And I give him props for being classy and sticking with his decision to save Bret’s ass, in spite of Trump’s pitiful attempts at convincing him to do otherwise.

As for Bret, I find he talks too much and tends to let his emotions get the best of him, but I must admit he’s really surprised me so far, and in a good way. I wish him well.

.

And now, I’m off to watch last night’s episode of the show, even though I already know Michael fires himself at the end. Thanks for the spoiler, Google.

As for you, reader. I’ll be seeing you at the next recap, in about three weeks. Sayonara, bitches!.

.

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6 Responses to “Celebrity Apprentice 3, episode 4 recap”

  1. TJ Lubrano April 13, 2010 at 4:55 am #

    OMG! I seriously don’t need to watch it on Youtube now ^_^. I just wait for your post hehehe. How long did it take you to type this all?

    Sayonara!!!!

    Like

  2. Zack April 13, 2010 at 7:23 am #

    hehe … i’ve only watched this show one time – i think your recap’s better than the actual program. 🙂 see ya in the twitterverse!

    Like

  3. Samantha April 13, 2010 at 12:39 pm #

    I’m afraid to ask: Has Blago replaced (*gasp!!*) Al Gore as your older-man True Love?? Sounds like it…

    I missed the episode where Blago got fired because frankly, I make it a rule to not watch a show where I have to see two grown men in absurd comb-overs in the same hour. *Shudder*

    Looking forward to your next recap. Hopefully, it’ll be of Survivor–there have been more blindsides on that show than in Sandra Bullock’s collapsed marriage ʘ‿ʘ

    Like

  4. salomey5 April 13, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

    TJ, I don’t even wanna think about the number of hours I spent on that stupid post, it’d probably scare me. I may have to restrain myself a little bit in the future if I wanna keep up the pace!

    Zack, thanks for dropping by, it really is a silly show with a lot of Trump in it, so you ain’t missing much.

    Samantha: Haha, funny comment!
    Nononono, no upcoming post talking about a crush on Blago. I’m not *that* crazy!
    However, I have to say that he does make for great TV. Guy’s hilarious!

    Wrote half of Survivor’s recap, gonna do a bit more now. It will (hopefully) be up before the next episode airs.
    Very happy to be rid of the “Dragon Slayer” (my ass) , personally.

    Like

  5. Sam April 15, 2010 at 4:41 am #

    I would like to see Gene Simmons’s role in the previous season of the Celebrity Apprentice. Just because he is Gene Simmons.

    Like

  6. salomey5 April 15, 2010 at 11:55 am #

    Hi Sam, long time no talk, hope you’re keeping well!
    Actually, now that you mention it, the way Gene Simmons left TCA is similar to the way Blago did.
    Neither of them gave in to the Orange One, they both brought whoever the heck they wanted to the boardroom, and to hell with getting fired.
    In both cases, it was a shame for us viewers because both guys made for great television, but at the same time, there’s something very satisfying in seeing someone standing to the Donald.
    Thanks for dropping by, Sam! 🙂

    Like

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