Celebrity Survivor Apprentice: Oh, the pain…

Ah… People… Tis has been a rough week for yours truly… As if the huge blow I suffered last Thursday wasn’t enough, I had to be put through yet another painful loss on Sunday… Sigh… Sometimes, life is just not fair…

In the same week, I lost both Boston Rob and Blago. I’m so upset.

What do you mean, "Who the fuck is Boston Rob?" Shouldn’t you be asking: "Who the fuck is Blago?" instead?

Boston Rob, clueless reader, is reality TV royalty. He’s been on Survivor, then on Survivor, then on the Amazing Race, then on Fear Factor, then on the Amazing Race again (I think), and I’m sure on a lot of other shows I wouldn’t know about because I don’t have cable.

Diablo’s AI review, 5/12/09

Two songs each tonight, but personally I’d just rather hear them sing ONE entire song as opposed to two chopped, up under two minute versions of two different songs, but that’s the way it goes!

 

Danny Gokey – (Dance Little Sister) 7/10 OK, I’ll do my best to not completely bash Gokey but I can only call his vocal style pseudo-soul. It is NOT genuine to my ears at all. Way to go Paula for picking a POS song for him to sing, WTF were you thinking? This song is LAME but Danny sings it pretty good. The jazz scat in the middle was kinda cool and much better than that idiot Blake Lewis and his ridiculous beatboxing BS! I’d give him a higher rating if this were a better song. He did a good job considering what he had to work with!

Diablo’s AI review, 4/28/09

I honestly think that Simon was playing the devils advocate for the most part tonight saying the exact opposite of what he really thought. That’s just my opinion though! Well here is what I thought of the performances tonight, the brutal truth the way I saw, or should I say, heard it!

Rat-pack week, which means booring standards that will be hard to sit through. Well here goes:

Kris – (The Way You Look Tonight) 7.5/10 How funny would it be if this dark horse underdog actually on the whole thing? It could happen and I’d certainly rather see him win than Danny and especially Matt. His voice is very smooth and suble on this one and full of emotion. Plus, when he goes falsetto, he doesn’t sound like a total wimp like some other contestant *cough*MATT*cough*. Very good job from Kris, way to go!

Diablo’s AI review, 4/21/09

Disco night, oh boy my favorite genre of music ever…………….NOT! Lets just hope the contestants change up the songs a bit so they don’t suck as much as they originally did. Sure there were a few good songs of the disco era, but the disco era production ruined them. Lets hope the contestants don’t sing them all in disco style! Here we go!

Lil – (I’m Every Woman) 7/10 This is one of her best performances yet IMO! She’s not doing anything special with the song or changing it up in anyway but she is singing it very well. And that damn suit she’s wearing is pretty distracting I must say, but I LIKE IT! I gotta say, she looks SMOKIN HOT tonight! I think the judges were unfairly harsh to her. She did great!

American Idol 8, top 8 – Recap

Good evening, good people.

Ah, how nice it is to be able to watch the damn show live, for a change…!

But for once, let’s (me) cut the crap and get right into the topic: the biggest karaoke contest on the planet.

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Tonight is going to be wonderful, I know it. Why? Because tonight, there will be twice less show to watch, yawn at, recap, yawn at more, and then publish two weeks late. Tonight, Idol is going to make some lame attempt at cramming 8 performances and the usual useless BS from our full-of-shit judges in one hour, and I predict they will miserably fail.

Although, I’m telling you guys, I’m really starting to develop a soft spot for Paula, in spite of… Actually, make that because of the fact that she’s perpetually heavily sedated.

Paula makes no sense most of the time, but it’s a big part of her charm. At least, what she says is pretty (I like it when she goes off on her monologues about colours), and funny, and unlike the other three broken records, you can always expect her to say some totally weird shit at some point during the show.

Diablo’s AI review, 4/14/09

OK first of all, this BS about only hearing two of the judges critique the contestants SUCK! Make the show 2 hours and let them sing an entire song instead of a one minute forty-five second butchering and let all four judges speak! WTF is the point of having four judges if only two of them are going to critique each contestant? TOTAL BS!

Well its AI goes to the movies, oh boy. Here goes!

Allison – 7.5/10 (I Don’t Want To Miss A Thing) Damn good, but still not her best! This girl just has an amazing natural gift and she uses it very well! If she isn’t in the finale’, I will not watch this show ever again!

American Idol 8, top 10 results – Recap

Hello all.

Before you ask, no, there is no typo in the title of this post. It is indeed my (ever-so-slightly delayed) recap of the top 10 results.

It has dawned on me that posting a recap of a two-weeks old show may kind of dumbass-y, but given that I already had written most of the fucker, then thought I’d lost it, only to find it again yesterday, I figured I might as well publish it, thus giving you something to read while I write the other four recaps that I have lined up.

Plus I was really due to post something I had written myself. The way things are at the moment, Diablo is contributing to my own blog more than I do. So thank you Diablo for keeping my blog alive for me! 😉

I don’t know what the fuck is up with me, but I’ve found it really hard to blog in the recent weeks. My mind is all over the place (although mostly in the gutter these days, but that’s another story for some other time) and I’m having trouble focusing. But hey, at least, I’m trying, so don’t give me no grief!

OK, I’ll stop my ramblings right here, and try and get started on recapping last night’s show in between two loads of laundry.

In the meantime, enjoy the nostalgia of this top 10 results recap! (Man, I can be SO lame sometimes…!)

Diablo’s AI review, 4/7/09

Well its ‘Songs From The Year You Were Born’ week at AI. I’ve always thought this was one of the lamest theme’s they do, oh well! This is what I thought of the performances tonight, agree, disagree, call me an idiot, whatever, I don’t care!

Danny Gokey – Stand By Me (6/10) I don’t get any of the hype about this guy, he is completely mediocre! His voice is WAY too whiney for my taste, I would never listen to anyone that sings like him. He isn’t even what I would consider a good gospel singer, he can’t hold a candle to Steve Green! I hear absolutely NOTHING special or great about this guy, he is booring and completely generic!

Kris Allen – All She Wants To Do Is Dance (7/10) I have always HATED this song! He sings it OK and I like the fact that he did it differently than the original. There are TONS of better songs from 1985 that he could’ve picked from though!

The Diablo review – Top 9

 

First of all let me just say that this is without a doubt the absolute WORST season of AI yet! There are only 3 really talented people left and the rest are just horrible IMO, or nothing more than average karaoke singers that have no business being in such a big talent search! Well here is what I thought of the performances tonight!

Anoop – This guy has no business being on this show and has ZERO chance of ever becoming a star. Karaoke medioicrity at its most mediocre!

Megan – She’s very pretty but WHO CARES?! Her voice is mediocre at best.

Danny – I HATE this smug bastard! And WTF are the judges smoking?! Whatever it is, they’re exhaling it right up his ass! HE SUCKS! Rascal Flatts sucks bad enough, but at least their lame-ass singer can hit a high note, he didn’t even attempt to hit the high notes on this song because he doesn’t have the range to hit them! God I hope this arrogant smug bastard gets sent packing soon!

Allison – The best singer on the show this year without a doubt! Win or lose, she will go far in music!

Scott – More generic mediocrity!

Matt – This guy is HORRIBLE! And his arrogant cocky smug attitude certainly doesn’t help at all. I’ve seen people perform better their first time to ever sing at an open mic night! Please let this wanker be sent packing soon too!

Lil’ – Good voice but generic!

Adam – The bastard grandchild of Elvis can sing his gay ass off! Man I wish I had pipes like that!

Kris – Very good, he’ll do well after AI, I have no doubt about that!

Of the nine left, there are only three with actual talent, three that are just mediocre and three that I am just simply baffled by the fact they’re on the show!

Talent:
Adam
Allison
Kris

Mediocrity:
Lil
Scott
Danny

HORRIBLE:
Matt
Megan
Anoop

 

American Idol 8, top 10 recap

It’s 6pm on Wednesday.

I’m gonna give a shot at recapping American Idol tonight, although I’m starting to believe that I now hate this fucking show. I just find it SOOOOO boring… I don’t know if it’s the contestants who seem to have all the sparkling personality of a pile of bricks, or the presence of too many judges talking waaayyy too much, or that the show is so full of nothing and filler and bullshit and crap and shit instead of Goddamn singing, or that David Cook isn’t in it, but Danny is…

It could also be that I’ve realized I could attract readers to my blog with topics other than Idol… Like for instance, Dancing with the Stars, which sounds way more fun right now, what with all these D-listers dropping like flies. Apart of course, from J-lister Steve O, who’s awesome. Although if he keeps hurting himself like this, he might have to drop out of the show before even getting a chance to whip out his penis and urinate on Bruno Tonioli’s Italian shoes.