Riots “R” Us

16 May

It’s Saturday night. I’m feeling blue and antsy. And bored. And still sick from Wednesday night’s mass absorption of alcohol.

But hey, it was all for a good cause. After all, the Habs, aka the Canadien, aka the CH, aka Montreal’s hockey team have won yet another round in the Stanley Cup playoffs, and that, in game 7 for the second time in a row.

Such a shame they’re not playing tonight. Because you know what I think would cheer me up and give me a nice little morale boost?

A riot.

Seriously, what better way to cheer for a winning team, to demonstrate one’s joy and excitement than by smashing a few store windows, looting a bunch of shops and attacking a couple of cops with broken beer bottles?

Of course, these kind of practices are a bit on the expensive side, but who cares about a few grand when what we get for them is a celebratory riot on Montreal’s main commercial street?

Plus, as an added bonus, once the cops have cleared the streets off all the euphoric revellers, we get the alas too rare chance of walking on broken glass for several hundreds of meters, something we all know is awesome (as long as you’re not wearing flip-flops.)

Continue reading

Survivor Heroes vs Villains, episode 9 recap

27 Apr

Howdy, avid reader. Or not. Avid, I mean.

.

So, didn’t you luuurve last week’s episode? Coach getting kicked out, Russell getting kicked in the ego… It was awesome! Let’s hope for some more of that: “Fuck what Russell says, I’m voting my way!” attitude. It might finally put an end to the oh-so-repetitive “I’m the king of Survivor” speech we’ve been hearing every week for the last season and a half.

.
Continue reading

Survivor Heroes vs Villains – Episode 8 recap

17 Apr

Howdy to you, Survivor fans, gather around, I have good news!

.

As we remember all too well, we lost Survivor darling Boston Rob at the end of last episode. Since my previous post about (among other things) that tragedy, I’ve gotten myself a prescription for Prozac and am doing much better, thank you very much.

The show has barely started that already, I want to throw something at the TV.

Note: I will not mention Mr. Hantz by name in any of my posts until: a) he gets voted out; b) the show’s editors stop submitting us to the following every. Single. Fucking. Week:

Because we didn’t get near enough of that self-congratulatory rhetoric from "him" during the last 20-ish episodes, let’s start this one with the now famous: "I am the best player this game has ever seen and I have all these stupid people wrapped around my smelly little toe and I call all the shots and mwahahaha" speech. I seriously cannot take it anymore.

What’s that? Oh, I see, they’ve decided to cram all the I-want-to-throw-something-at-the-TV moments at the beginning of the show… Interesting artistic direction, I suppose, if you can call this art…

Continue reading

Celebrity Apprentice 3, episode 4 recap

12 Apr

Hi. It’s me again already. In full blogging mode for the second day in a row. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m on a roll! And since it rarely happens, I might as well take advantage of it.

So I’ve decided I would tackle the task of recapping two shows simultaneously, even though we all know I can barely keep up with one for more than 6 weeks. But hey, I’m feeling ambitious tonight. (Please take note that my ambition may not extend beyond tonight.)

As I was mentioning in my last post, I’m currently obsessed with Survivor (nothing new here) and Celebrity Apprentice.

Survivor, because it’s awesome, and the Trump circus, because this season happens to be very entertaining. How could it not be with characters like Sharon Osbourne, Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels?

Unfortunately, Celebrity Apprentice suffered a tragic blow last week, when it lost the wonderful ex-Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich, who fell under the axe of his own incompetence. And people are saying Cyndi Lauper is spaced out?

Continue reading

Celebrity Survivor Apprentice: Oh, the pain…

8 Apr

Ah… People… Tis has been a rough week for yours truly… As if the huge blow I suffered last Thursday wasn’t enough, I had to be put through yet another painful loss on Sunday… Sigh… Sometimes, life is just not fair…

In the same week, I lost both Boston Rob and Blago. I’m so upset.

What do you mean, "Who the fuck is Boston Rob?" Shouldn’t you be asking: "Who the fuck is Blago?" instead?

Boston Rob, clueless reader, is reality TV royalty. He’s been on Survivor, then on Survivor, then on the Amazing Race, then on Fear Factor, then on the Amazing Race again (I think), and I’m sure on a lot of other shows I wouldn’t know about because I don’t have cable. Continue reading

New year, new decade: new post. Coming soon (hopefully): new me

2 Jan

Note:

The following post was started on Palindrome Day, but unfortunately, was only finished the following day, thus making part of the ‘information” stated below erroneous. However, I have fixed the problem by cheating on the publishing date, making myself seem a bit less full of shit in the process.

Other note:

Palindrome: a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., that reads the same backward as forward.

~~~~~~~~

Happy Palindrome day, motherfuckers!

Today’s date is: 01-02-2010. It’s a palindrome! I’m beside myself with excitement!

Actually, it’s only a palindrome in North-America, where inexplicably, they arrange dates by month, followed by day and then year. Which is totally nonsensical, in my opinion. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go day-month-year? Anyway. Not the object of this post. Sorry for going off-topic on your asses so quickly.

.

Continue reading

The times they are a-changin’…

8 Dec

I originally wanted to title this post: “The times they are a-changin’: the very drastic evolution of my celebrity crushes over the last 20-ish months” but it was a little long for Twitter, which has a very strict “No more than 140 characters” policy and which is where I intend to plug this post if I ever manage to finish it.

 

I’m really worried, you guys.

I have a celebrity crush.

But the scary part of it, is *whom* I have a celebrity crush on…

You better sit down for this…

Continue reading