Hi everyone! Or rather, hi to you, clearly lost internet wanderer!
In normal times, I would probably start this entry with three paragraphs of bullshit excuses as to why I haven’t blogged for yonks, but in this present case, I must skip this step and start dealing with actual content, because if I’m like, sitting on a time bomb right now, what with the Survivor premiere airing as we speak, and the Big Brother 14 finale coming on right after that.
So yes, ladies and gentlemen, tonight’s a BIG night in this here household. In fact, I’d even go as far as saying that for the reality TV whore that I am, a night like this is just like the Superbowl and the hockey playoffs rolled up into one, except that it’s not because a) I don’t really give a shit about sports, and b) we may not even have a hockey season at all this year, so really, my analogy sucks balls, but you know what I mean.
Anyhoo those of you who know me, whether it be online or off, are likely well aware of my decade-long obsession with all things Survivor, so you’d think I’d be tripping all over myself at the idea of watching a 90 minutes premiere of my favourite show on earth, and one featuring three returning players whom I actually like and whom it actually made sense to bring back (for once), given that they were all removed from their previous season(s) for medical reasons.
Yet, while I’m excited about it, I’d be lying if I didn’t fess up to the fact that I’m WAY more excited about the Big Brother 14 finale. And that to me, feels very weird, because I’m nowhere near as huge a Big Brother fan as I am a Survivor fan.
While I’ve always liked Big Brother, it’s one of these shows I’ve only watched sporadically over the years. I’ve seen a couple of seasons in their entirety, or almost (seasons 4 and 8, if I’m not mistaken) and I’ve watched good chunks of 6, 12 and 13, but my problem with Big Brother has always been timing; the show airs in the summer. And I happen to live in a city where the winter lasts for approximately two years, or so it seems, so I don’t have three hours a weeks to dedicate to a TV show in the summer. Summer’s made to play outside.
Yet, this summer, not only have I managed to get through the entire season of Big Brother 14 without missing a single episode, but I’ve LOVED it. In fact, I’ve loved it a lot more than I have Survivor’s most recent seasons. And that, coming from me, is saying a lot.
So what was it about Big Brother 14 that kept me glued to my couch on all those hot summer nights I would have normally spent sipping a warm beer in a park somewhere? Well, I’d say it’s a combination of several things.
First, the coaches twist is what initially reeled me in. While I’m an outspoken hater of the returnees twist on Survivor, I didn’t have a problem with it on Big Brother, even though it was glaringly obvious that sooner or later, the coaches would have the opportunity to join the game as players. But while it lasted, I did find the concept interesting and thought it worked quite well.
Second, I thought the show made interesting choices as to which past players to bring back. Even though I had no idea who the hell Mike Boogie and Dan Gheesling were until this past July, I liked that two of the coaches were from early seasons, and the other two, from recent ones. Plus I’ve always liked Janelle and Britney, so I was cool with seeing them again.
Third, Mike Boogie, Mike Boogie, Mike Boogie. OK, I’ll confess, over the course of the season, I’ve developed a weird crush on Boogie, which makes absolutely zero sense because my first thought about him when he entered the house was: “Who the fuck is this tool?” Yet a couple of episodes in, I found myself harbouring some wildly inappropriate thoughts for said tool, and rooting big time for team Boogie and Chill Town 2.0, until someone threw a proverbial bucket of cold water at me, and that someone turned out to be Ian.
But while it was a bummer to have my eye candy taken away from me in such abrupt fashion, my days of saying: “I’m done with this season” when my favourite player gets eliminated from the game are very far behind me. So I kept watching.
And my streak of bad luck kept going. Shortly after losing my boyfriend Boogie, Frank got ousted. But still, I stuck with it. Half-heartedly, but I did. And boy, was that a good call.
Because all of a sudden, who comes out of the woodwork? Dan. Friggin’. Gheesling. And oh, My. God. Who knew Dan Gheesling was such an evil genius? Not me, that’s for sure. And I didn’t see it coming. At all. In fact, for the first half of the season, barely noticed that Dan was in the house (I blame Mike Boogie for that). Then one day, from out of nowhere, BAM, he comes up with that Dan’s funeral thing, which sent me in for one helluva loop. I think I had a grin plastered on my face for two hours after watching that episode. Moments like this are what makes reality shows like Survivor and Big Brother worth watching. They are few and far between, but when they happen, you remember them for years.
And this is a move I will definitely remember for years. I was floored when it happened. In fact, I still am. How the hell he pulled that off still amazes me, even several weeks later. I would go as far as saying that this in my top 5, maybe even my top 3 of the best single moves I’ve ever witnessed on reality TV. This is on the same level as Parvati playing two idols on Survivor: Heroes versus Villains, or Boston Rob’s mindfucking Lex into keeping Amber around in Survivor: all-stars. Absolutely masterful.
Then last week, guess what? He does it again. Somehow, he manages to persuade Danielle to play her veto on him, and next thing you know, Shane’s out the door with no idea what hit him. Man, I LOVE this kind of shit. This guy is GOOD. REALLY. GOOD. All-caps totally justified here.
So Dan for the win, all the way, as far as I’m concerned. Even though I could live with an Ian win. Ian played a good game, made a couple of cutthroat moves, the most cutthroat of which sent my man Boogie out the door, but that’s by the by. No one said Big Brother was a nice game, and if it was a nice game, I probably wouldn’t watch it.
The only thing that could screw Dan over at this point, is a bitter jury. He played hands down the best game this season, and quite possibly the best game ever in Big Brother (no I haven’t seen the seasons with Dr. Will, but I will definitely watch them at some point, although my main motivation to do so is that Boogie’s in them too, but to each their own perversion.)
But going back to Dan, he may have played too dirty of a game for his own good and put too much blood on his hands, and it’s not unlikely that it will come back to bite him in the ass tonight. I just really, really hope it doesn’t, because if anyone deserves to win this Big Brother season, it’s Dan friggin’ Gheesling. By MILES.
So Dan, I wish you the best of luck tonight. And thanks a ton for single-handedly making the second half of this season so much fun, exciting and unpredictable. I’ll see you at 9.30, ready to yell “Go Dan!” non-stop for ninety minutes.
Until then I’m off to buy booze, because my plan tonight is to get all liquored up during the first half of the Big Brother 14 finale, and then spend the second half flooding @CBSBigBrother’s Twitter timeline with inappropriate Mike boogie related tweets, in the hopes that by the end of the broadcast, they let him know that he has a Canadian stalker, but one who tweets with a French accent. Apparently, everything is sexier with a French accent. Even drunken stalkerish tweets of a dubious sexual nature. Let’s hope it’s true.
OK, I’m out of here. One more time, Dan, I’m rooting for you big time, so go win this damn thing. And thanks to everyone who was involved with this Big Brother season in some way or another, it truly was a blast to watch. Especially you, Mike Boogie. Now if only I could get a closer look and… nevermind. I’ll save that for Twitter later on. Bye for now bitches! And go Dan!