Crise de manque

18 Jul

Nous sommes le 18 juillet. Depuis le 8 juin, j’ai dû m’enfiler au moins une soixantaine de shows. Du très intimiste “Enfin seul avec Mononc’ Serge” dans le cadre de Parcs Vivants au méga (et un tantinet décevant) party des B52s en clôture du Festival de Jazz de Montréal, du très kitch (mais ô combien dansant) Boogie Wonder Band au fantastique marathon funk que nous a offert Prince au Métropolis, j’aimerais pouvoir dire que les shows, j’en ai jusque là, mais malheureusement, ce n’est pas le cas.

Ce qui est le cas, c’est que je suis en manque, et pas à peu près. En fait, je déprime un peu ce soir. J’ai beau essayer de me changer les idées avec la boîte à images dans mon salon, So You Think You Can Dance Canada n’arrive pas à la cheville du concert le plus platte auquel j’ai assisté au cours des dernières semaines.

J’ai encore la fièvre des festivals. Je suis crevée, mais je donnerais n’importe quoi pour me retrouver devant une scène plutôt que devant mon ordi en ce moment même. Fuck les pieds en compote, le foie en marmelade, les bleus partout, l’alimentation strictement limitée à n’importe quoi qu’on peut mettre entre deux tranches de pain, même si mon corps en arrache, ma tête en arrache encore bien plus.

Ma tête est encore aux Francofolies, au Festival de Jazz, voire même au festival d’été de la rue Crescent de ce week-end (dites ce que vous voulez, mais Pagliaro et David Usher, c’est peut-être pas Métallica sur les Plaines d’Abraham à Québec, mais ça bat quand même So You Think You Can Dance Canada à la télé.)

Bon, vous pouvez me dire que l’été est pas fini et que des shows, y’en aura d’autres, et vous aurez raison. Mais l’orgie de concerts que Montréal nous offre chaque début d’été, elle est finie. Et ça me fait chier. Ça me fait chier d’avoir à attendre une grosse semaine jusqu’à mon prochain concert (Motorhead et Kiss au Parc Jean-Drapeau, si les dieux de la météo sont de mon côté) plutôt qu’une demi-heure, comme ce fut le cas pendant presque 3 semaines.

Ça me fait chier de pas avoir un programme tout froissé à consulter de manière obsessive quotidiennement. Ça me fait chier de pas rentrer épuisée, mais ô combien heureuse passé minuit tous les soirs, de la musique plein la tête. Ça me fait chier d’être confortablement assise chez moi à l’air climatisé à prendre une bière bien fraîche plutôt que de me faire piler sur les pieds au milieu d’une foule sous la pluie en buvant de l’immonde Molson M à 6 piasses dans un verre en plastique et de m’en renverser la moitié dessus en dansant.

Donc, faute d’être à un concert en ce moment, j’ai décidé que la meilleure façon de lutter contre la petite déprime et la bougeotte donc je suis présentement victime, c’est de vous raconter les aventures musicales que j’ai vécues jusqu’à présent. Les bonnes, les moins bonnes, les francophones, les anglophones, les grosses, les petites. Peut-être que les revivre, ça m’aidera à faire passer le blues. Je le fais pour moi plus que pour vous, et ça risque d’être tout croche et souvent hors-sujet, ça va être parfois en français, parfois en anglais, souvent en franglais, et au diable la chronologie. Mais je ressens le besoin de les partager.

Alors mettez vos souliers les plus confortables parce qu’on va marcher et danser beaucoup. Vous êtes prêts? Oui? Alors, suivez-moi! Je sais pas encore où on va, mais y va y avoir de la musique, c’est certain!
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Survivor 22: Redemption Island – episode 1 recap

9 Mar

Howdy bitches. Long time no blog. Twitter’s fault. I had no idea it would be so damn addictive when I signed up.

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Anyway, Survivor is upon us again in all its faded but still strangely seductive glory. And tonight, the granddaddy of reality television began its 22nd season, one which promises to be filled with even more manufactured drama and desperate gimmicks than its 20th, Heroes vs Villains.

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Halfway through Survivor: Nicaragua, which I immensely enjoyed, I found myself bitterly regretting not to have faced Twitter cold-turkey and gotten around to recapping it, but addiction being what it is, I didn’t. Twitter’s fault.

So, to make me feel better, I promised myself that I would recap the following season from beginning to end. Far from me the thought, when I made that foolish pledge, that Survivor would choose to bring back Rob and Russell after barely giving them enough time to gain back the weight they had lost in Heroes vs Villains. That’s one spoiler I wish I had stumbled into earlier.

So this is it, now I’m stuck recapping a season which promises to be gimmicky as hell. Fuck you Twitter.

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So here we go,

Survivor 22: Rob vs Russell Redemption Island

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Dancing with the Stars, episode “the Tea Party crashes the ballroom”

22 Nov

If you had told me six months ago that I would one day find myself campaigning for a Palin, I would have had you wrapped in straight jacket faster than Mama Grizzly can say “Gotcha!”

Six months later, here I am, begging you all to pick up the phone and/or get online tonight and vote your asses off for Bristol Palin to become the eleventh winner of Dancing With The Stars, and the most glaringly undeserving person ever to snatch that tacky mirror ball trinket they dare call a trophy.

I beseech you, do it.

Do it for the lulz.

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Survivor: Heroes vs Villains finale – Dear Russell Hantz, this is for you…

18 May

I could write a loooooong post about my thoughts regarding last night’s Survivor: Heroes vs Villains finale… And probably will.

But not right now because I don’t have time. It’s late and I haven’t showered or had my-middle-of-the-night snack yet.

However, before I get on with my ever-so-exciting nocturnal activities, there’s something I wanna get off my chest. So for once in my life, I’ll be concise and straight to the point, and instead of my usual thousand words (x 8000) I’ll give you, for once, an image.

An image which sums up my feelings much better than a thousand words ever could.

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My dear little Russell Hantz, this is for you:

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Congrats, Sandra!!

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Riots “R” Us

16 May

It’s Saturday night. I’m feeling blue and antsy. And bored. And still sick from Wednesday night’s mass absorption of alcohol.

But hey, it was all for a good cause. After all, the Habs, aka the Canadien, aka the CH, aka Montreal’s hockey team have won yet another round in the Stanley Cup playoffs, and that, in game 7 for the second time in a row.

Such a shame they’re not playing tonight. Because you know what I think would cheer me up and give me a nice little morale boost?

A riot.

Seriously, what better way to cheer for a winning team, to demonstrate one’s joy and excitement than by smashing a few store windows, looting a bunch of shops and attacking a couple of cops with broken beer bottles?

Of course, these kind of practices are a bit on the expensive side, but who cares about a few grand when what we get for them is a celebratory riot on Montreal’s main commercial street?

Plus, as an added bonus, once the cops have cleared the streets off all the euphoric revellers, we get the alas too rare chance of walking on broken glass for several hundreds of meters, something we all know is awesome (as long as you’re not wearing flip-flops.)

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Survivor Heroes vs Villains, episode 9 recap

27 Apr

Howdy, avid reader. Or not. Avid, I mean.

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So, didn’t you luuurve last week’s episode? Coach getting kicked out, Russell getting kicked in the ego… It was awesome! Let’s hope for some more of that: “Fuck what Russell says, I’m voting my way!” attitude. It might finally put an end to the oh-so-repetitive “I’m the king of Survivor” speech we’ve been hearing every week for the last season and a half.

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Survivor Heroes vs Villains – Episode 8 recap

17 Apr

Howdy to you, Survivor fans, gather around, I have good news!

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As we remember all too well, we lost Survivor darling Boston Rob at the end of last episode. Since my previous post about (among other things) that tragedy, I’ve gotten myself a prescription for Prozac and am doing much better, thank you very much.

The show has barely started that already, I want to throw something at the TV.

Note: I will not mention Mr. Hantz by name in any of my posts until: a) he gets voted out; b) the show’s editors stop submitting us to the following every. Single. Fucking. Week:

Because we didn’t get near enough of that self-congratulatory rhetoric from "him" during the last 20-ish episodes, let’s start this one with the now famous: "I am the best player this game has ever seen and I have all these stupid people wrapped around my smelly little toe and I call all the shots and mwahahaha" speech. I seriously cannot take it anymore.

What’s that? Oh, I see, they’ve decided to cram all the I-want-to-throw-something-at-the-TV moments at the beginning of the show… Interesting artistic direction, I suppose, if you can call this art…

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Celebrity Apprentice 3, episode 4 recap

12 Apr

Hi. It’s me again already. In full blogging mode for the second day in a row. I don’t know what’s going on with me, but I’m on a roll! And since it rarely happens, I might as well take advantage of it.

So I’ve decided I would tackle the task of recapping two shows simultaneously, even though we all know I can barely keep up with one for more than 6 weeks. But hey, I’m feeling ambitious tonight. (Please take note that my ambition may not extend beyond tonight.)

As I was mentioning in my last post, I’m currently obsessed with Survivor (nothing new here) and Celebrity Apprentice.

Survivor, because it’s awesome, and the Trump circus, because this season happens to be very entertaining. How could it not be with characters like Sharon Osbourne, Cyndi Lauper and Bret Michaels?

Unfortunately, Celebrity Apprentice suffered a tragic blow last week, when it lost the wonderful ex-Governor of Illinois Rod Blagojevich, who fell under the axe of his own incompetence. And people are saying Cyndi Lauper is spaced out?

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Celebrity Survivor Apprentice: Oh, the pain…

8 Apr

Ah… People… Tis has been a rough week for yours truly… As if the huge blow I suffered last Thursday wasn’t enough, I had to be put through yet another painful loss on Sunday… Sigh… Sometimes, life is just not fair…

In the same week, I lost both Boston Rob and Blago. I’m so upset.

What do you mean, "Who the fuck is Boston Rob?" Shouldn’t you be asking: "Who the fuck is Blago?" instead?

Boston Rob, clueless reader, is reality TV royalty. He’s been on Survivor, then on Survivor, then on the Amazing Race, then on Fear Factor, then on the Amazing Race again (I think), and I’m sure on a lot of other shows I wouldn’t know about because I don’t have cable. Continue reading 

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New year, new decade: new post. Coming soon (hopefully): new me

2 Jan

Note:

The following post was started on Palindrome Day, but unfortunately, was only finished the following day, thus making part of the ‘information” stated below erroneous. However, I have fixed the problem by cheating on the publishing date, making myself seem a bit less full of shit in the process.

Other note:

Palindrome: a word, line, verse, number, sentence, etc., that reads the same backward as forward.

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Happy Palindrome day, motherfuckers!

Today’s date is: 01-02-2010. It’s a palindrome! I’m beside myself with excitement!

Actually, it’s only a palindrome in North-America, where inexplicably, they arrange dates by month, followed by day and then year. Which is totally nonsensical, in my opinion. Wouldn’t it make more sense to go day-month-year? Anyway. Not the object of this post. Sorry for going off-topic on your asses so quickly.

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